saturday was awesome to the max! especially when Heartbeatz gather together as one for the dragon boat competition. we realize we needed more team bonding after obtaining second place for the race, but i am glad that we all had fun! one particular stupid thing i did was bathing inside the toilet, using the basin to wash my face and hair, and the hose for my body. i got caught by someone shouting from the outside about wasting water and wetting the entire place. i can't help it, being clean is me. imagine the whole day of dragon boating and sweating, not bathing could grow fungus around parts of my body man!

stayed out till midnight where wei qian took us out for a ride to geylang for supper with kok chye and billy. it's been a long time since we chilled like that, everyone were busy with their own lives, so i appreciated that night with them, except for the part i knocked out straight in his van while on the way home. expect more outings like that to come! and pictures would start coming in soon!

sunday was another part 2, and it was lan time! collected my heritage race kit with marcus and eugene. unexpected things popped along the way, and finally we got our hands on the mouse! i played killing floor, the latest lan game which was awesome to the max! 6 people getting together to survive among mutants and bosses. for me personally i think its a great game, cause its tactical and you need to think instead of firing those bullets away. effects weren't as great as L4D, but not having the crosshair makes the game even realistic, it trains your accuracy.

flight simulator training was great! heard from yao jun that some classmates actually missed me while i was away. don't worry i will be back this friday! spent 5 hours inside the simulator, and the total cost was around US$4000! luckily it wasn't from my pockets, and i gotta thank my supervisor for the arrangement. if i am not wrong i would be expecting one more to come, this time on a real trip to padang in malaysia!!!

we cherish those only when they aren't here with us, dear michael, your songs have brought joy and change to the entire world. rest in peace my brother, now the world will leave you alone in peace...

a phrase in this song struck me real hard: "smile though your heart is aching.".

in my life, i took my friends, my family, the ones i loved for granted. it is only when i lose them, i start to reminisce the times when we were together. i often told myself, if i had a time machine, i would make sure everything would be in the right place at the right time. God takes control of our lives, who are we to determine our fate? we cannot even predict when the color of our hair would turn white, God is in control of it. who are we to judge people when we ourselves are imperfect?

i was very touched by the speech from paris jackson at the memorial concert for mj last night, just when the world thought they needed him back, God needed him even more. everything happens for a reason, rest in peace mj.

till now, i have the habit of criticizing people, and judging them for their flaws. when i look at myself and reflected, actually i am just like one of them. i am looking at my reflection through this people, at least i know about it.

characteristics and personalities of people often change, due to their problems in life. some change because they seek self-identity, some change because they want to feel self-assured, some change to blend into the group so that they will not feel outkast. at the end of day, their hearts are still filled with emptiness. some resort to violence, some resort to temporary fulfilment such as smoking, clubbing, fighting, or even prosituting. hey i remember mentioning this once, but somehow it just came across my mind again.

i want to lend people a listening ear. i picked this phrase from somewhere which i found very interesting: knowledge speaks, wisdom listens.

instead of providing solutions to people whom might not heed or listen, why not just spend time listening to their woes and troubles? it helps actually, i have a lot of friends who loved sharing problems with me. rather than giving them solutions, i try to create jokes, or munch power pack snacks with them, and spend time with them. this is a much better idea right? you should try it sometime...

flight simulator's training tomorrow. wish me luck.

after the internship with tiger airways i thought i could bring in more aerospace students for the next semester. apparently this idea of mine failed terribly, when my supervisor told me that he would not be taking in any more interns already, as of now. reflecting on this issue, i am the cause of this. i admit that the past few months i was slack and being a laze in the office, and not delivering work which is up to my supervisor's expectations. right now, lecturers in my course would start to change their impression on me.

my supervisor's point of view was that since he has been posted to the finance department, there was no point bringing in more engineering interns to do finance tasks since it was new to their working field. if he were still in the engineering sector, he might bring them in. the second reason was that tiger airways are currently trying to cut costs, and using an illustration of using the $400 to pay for the water supply was much more worth it. i am not sure whether this was an insult, but i was totally disappointed. too bad, i am not a good worker, what's the point of being a top student in ngee ann when i can't impress the company...

i apologize for this boring post, but i just don't know who to talk to, except God.

another month to go, nicholas you can do it. give it all you have. :)

Black eye bags

monday was Alan's farewell dinner before he prepares himself for the first two weeks
of serving the country. dear brother Kok Chye has indeed lost around 4 kilograms
after about 4 weeks of physical training at pulau tekong. another brother going away,
how i wished i could also serve the army right now, beats better than working in the
office. one of my colleague told me that i should appreciate the environment i am
working in, because often i do not get opportunities like this to work under a good
supervisor, so i should cherish it while i can because in the future i might not get a
chance like that anymore.

so what happened yesterday? after dinner, the guys proceeded ahead with their plans
while i went along with the rest of the ladies. shan't mentioned the rest of the part
lest some of the younger ones might come here and read about the second half of the
night. to sum it all, we had a great time for the farewell dinner. especially during the
phototaking session and praying as a whole for Alan. Stella's appearance was a surprise
for some of us, but i was glad, because i have not seen her for a very long time.

football later in the evening, i have finally recovered from all those injuries, and thank God
for His blessings and protection. the first step to obtain fruitfulness is to start by being
punctual for church service, cell group gatherings and lessons in school, and lastly for
work. all this i am doing is not for my own sake, but for God alone.

if i do my part and give my everything in whatever i do, i believe that God will reward me in terms of
grades and other alternate blessings. but i know i would not be that heng all the time,
often i will face rejections, but this also shows my test of faith. if things goes to well,
i would be led back to that previous self. i want experience change and healing in my
present life. and it starts by being punctual...

i can't imagine i am actually sitting awake and doing my ISO project in the early midst of the morning. such a good time for sleep, okay yao jun is reading this blog too, i better get going with the case study. but before that, let me just go random for awhile.

you know, my dad is great and understanding. though he doesn't know how to show his love, he actually does cares for us. he lend me a huge amount of dang to pay up for my china trip first, if not my application would be terminated from the list. i will definitely pay him after PSEA has issued the reimbursement claims back.

secondly, around 6 plus in the morning, my second brother as usual made the entire house tremble with his non-stop blowing and sneezing of his nose (it has been part of his life since young), and sounds of the Niagara falls in the toilet. my mom and dad has to play a part in seriously reminding him that my 3rd brother has school, and he's late because of his 45 minutes bathing session.

so here comes the scary part, i had this dream, or a nightmare if you called it. but before i had this dream, i was very frustrated with my 2nd brother while lying on the bed. i didn't want to shout or find trouble, i kept it inside my heart, lots of frustration inside. then here comes the nightmare:

Nightmare

i was driving a evolution 9 on the highway back home, automatic transmission of course, and suddenly a horde of racing cars just surrounded me. i entirely lost my front view in front, but fortunately not my life. okay, so i went around telling people that i drove and managed to survive that illegal race scare. marcus, billy, choy, my two brothers were somehow inside the scene, wei qian and i had a big quarrel over some issue which i have forgotten. the two of us walked away and from that moment onwards, we weren't friends or brothers anymore.

now the scary moment: marcus and choy had something on, and they left my house straight away informing me they will be back shortly. the door bell rang, an old lady stood right at the door, i opened the door and let her in, she told me she was in charge of taking care of my two brothers. so she continued with her business and managed to coax my two brother to bed! that was pretty amazing from that old woman, so i went to find a dvd to relax at the living room. while searching for the dvd, i dropped a disc and it showed a devil's picture feasting on human flesh, very gory indeed.

and i heard something, some sort of snorting and chewing, and i tip-toed past the hall and took a peek into the room. oh shit, that lady turned into that devil that was on the disc and eating the crap out of my brother! it was very gory la, and she turned to me and said : "once i am done with your 2nd brother, you are next."

i have never been so scared in my nightmares before, i quickly type an sms to marcus asking him to come home quickly, but my stupid samsung pda phone played a prank on me. i couldn't possibly stay inside the house, i ran out to take the lift down... * blackout. the lift door opened, and she stood right in front of me with those bloody razor sharp teeth and eyes. and...

i quickly open my eyes, got out from my bed, and here i am...

it was really frightening, especially when i saw my two brother being eaten with my own eyes. though i get pissed off with my brothers at times, but to die in this manner made me feel very guilty and disappointed. afterall they are my blood brothers, i should be more mature and think far, not just for my own sake.

Lord, help me on this...amen.

Bipolar disorder? Dear readers, I am fine actually, I just felt the need to vent out my anger through the power of blogging. Unless I have one of those punching bags that Ivan has, it was damn hilarious when he shot that video of his unorthodox fighting moves in his room with Cleon and Buddy. It was really inspirational to me, and there might be a chance that Wei Qian and I are going to do our own comedy video too, no worries the both of us are not doing anything obscene or wrong, just so you know.

As the day passes in Tiger Airways, I am learning to build passion in my working attitude so that I wouldn't complain about time being passing very slowly during office hours. You know what? Tiger Airways' managing director was on news today! It was very surprising when I switched channel and saw her being interviewed at Terminal 3. They should have interviewed an intern like me, I have much to share with them, especially the cabin crew training and the upcoming flight simulator training next Friday. Whoo hooo~

Project time!

Ever since I got back from church camp, things don't seem to go the right way. I tried going to the left, ended up even worser than ever. My mind is filled so many disturbing issues, for example my attitude towards friends, work and even reading the bible. Sometimes I talked too much, thinking that using the right words could persuade people around me. In fact, I just talk, without executing... I am so glad I have some time to blog, despite all that workload in the office. Seriously, I have been so busy that I only have about 3 hours in the night before the scheduled sleeping time.

Last Saturday, I received an invitation from Edward to his sister's birthday party, alongside with some of my cell group members too. It was the first time savoring different cultural style buffet and of course, Edward's mom spaghetti and her coconut dessert. It was really good I must admit, kept going for quite a few rounds before the knockout phase came. In addition, it was also the first time that I really had a good talk with my cell group members, usually during Saturdays we would meet up for cell, and after that home sweet home. We really did not have any time for chit-chatting or even chill time. Guess it's hard to accommodate everyone, but Wei Qian and I were sure glad we did not miss the fun time.

I better cherish the life now before I get out into the working life, no wonder so many senior workers used to tell me : "Study hard now, or you will regret." I finally understand it now. I hope my 3rd younger brother would really heed this advice, sitting in front of the laptop and playing Dota would help you succeed in life.

As for my 2nd brother, it wouldn't hurt or die just to admit the faults that you have made. You burst the phone bill, you pay for it. I can't imagine how he has that skin to deny when the bill document arrived and amounted to about $60. In addition, every night he doesn't sleep, he just sits in front of the bloody laptop and spends all the electricity away. There was this incident where he did not slept at all, made hell lotsa noise in the room before rushing out to meet his girlfriend and visit his sickly friend at the hospital. HOSPITAL! He doesn't realize the fact that my dad and mom has to work, what happens if he passes that swine flu to them?

He wants to get sick and get warded in the bed, then the whole world would come and visit him and feel sad for him. Trust me on this, there were many attempts before. My mom and dad almost fainted because of his selfish and childish attitude. Damn pissed off now.

Sometimes I wished I had the strength of Nicholas Keith, and just give one death blow. And then I will just submit myself to the police. Case closed.

today was something different after church service. i went out with eileen, oilvia, kok chye and wei qian. chilled at town, places such as coffee club before ending our dinner at bedok. we had a feadt before the long winding journey home. it was a good time i must say, though the following day would be the same old monday blues.

this week would be an awkward week i should say. i have to pay church camp, and china trip fees. i dont know how to ask my dad for this huge amount of moola, really have to ask God for advice. and yeah i have not been praying, and my faith has been wavering over the slightest thing that occured recently.

my temper has recently turned quite bad too, due to some minor crap. seriously i need to change myself before trying to change others. oh in addition to love people of different kinds of crap.
Lord, help me on this...

I have worked hard this week, and time has passed so quickly that I don't even have time to revise for yesterday's paper. Received a lunch treat from a representative from Michelin who is interested in collaborating with my company, at Earl's Swensen! The salad bar was good, made me felt very refreshing before the main course came, which I ordered wrongly la - tenderloin steak. I almost fainted after struggling with it, and looked "sua-gu" when I attempted to cut the meat.

Coming back from church camp, I seriously don't feel anything at all. Yeah I did felt something during the camp, but coming back to Singapore, everything is back at top speed - working life, spending time with friends, reports and projects. All of these come rushing back straight to your face, how I wish my leg injury would just recover so I can focus on football fellowship with my brothers once again. Been missing football since ... ??? Just being random, Michael Jackson passed away yesterday.

What's next? Transformer 2! Interim final report! Case study project! China trip! All these involves time and money. I have to pay for the trip next Friday, the full amount of the trip - $1300. I need to think of something to pursuade my parents to pay for me. Right now, I still have not paid for the church camp, and feeling guilty about it.

So I was thinking, after 4 months of internship, have I learnt anything or become more mature in my attitude and speech? Does this attachment period actually helped to strengthen the ties between me and my classmates? NO. In fact, it became even worse. I just want to use the china trip as a ground once again, to bring all of us back to those times when we were in Yunan. Welcome back those good old days.

I have not been blogging properly recently, I am not sure about myself too. So many thoughts running through my mind, but its all irrelevant stuffs. What should I do? People around me are experiencing breakdown at this moment of their lives, I feel helpless. I want to pray but I lack the discipline. Everything is moving so fast, or is this one of those lame excuses to cover my butt?

guess what, i still have not paid for church camp yet. don't worry i will not run away from singapore, i will find temporary shelter at tanah merah aloha loyang chalet.

my leg has been getting from bad to worst, especially the injury on my knee, the moment i bend them it will bleed. i can't play soccer with all my kakis, period. i guess i need medical attention and a first aid box at home.

okay what the heck am i talking about? i should talk about the lunch treat at earl's swensen, changi airport terminal 3. i ordered this tenderloin steak, which is medium rare and almost puked after swallowing the entire chunk. tonight i will be having dessert at swensen's, causeway point. i am spoilt for too much good food, and not exercising at all makes me good, cause i am growing fatter and fatter. :)

hello! i am using my mobile to do my own blogging. i am not sure whether it can be seen here, but i hope i can use this in future to post via mobile.

anyway i have been missing from blogging and praying. so many things have been happening recently, and moving so fast that i can't stop time from going slow. i will be back to full time blogging soon...

hello! i am using my mobile to do my own blogging. i am not sure whether it can be seen here, but i hope i can use this in future to post via mobile.

anyway i have been missing from blogging and praying. so many things have been happening recently, and moving so fast that i can't stop time from going slow. i will be back to full time blogging soon...

"you are allowed to go for church camp!" - my supervisor...

since morning, i have been working and clearing off my assignments before i embarked on my next spiritual trip with God to port dickson@kuala lumpur. i want to thank God and all my friends who have been keeping me in their prayers, it really worked. i also want to thank the personnel who approved my leave for the church camp, and i am still being paid for taking leave. ai ling told me to tell the truth rather than lying, well the truth does hurts, but what i have received is even greater and it overcame the hurt and anxiety!

now the next step is to start raising funds for the my expenses for the church camp. to be honest, i have spent quite a bomb on clothes and accessories. lacking the discipline to save once again...

its saturday morning, i went to catch the preview of "taking of peltham 123". i must say the movie's awesome. credits to those who suggested this movie - billy, sharity and wei qian. fortunately my objection against that horror movie worked. :)

no news means good news. i hope i will start working on my project seriously, and that means even more self discipline. please let me go for church camp... i will pay back by working on fridays. even if it means working on the weekends too, to show my sincerity.

alright good morning singapore! im heading to bed now.

seems the new change in my blog url has send confusion to many readers. i apologize for the sudden change, and i hope you will be able to find your way back here again through the help of msn or emails. i should be sending my url via to those whom i have your email addresses. to random readers, i am sorry but you would need more hard work in the navigation.

football session yesterday at tekong was disappointing, especially after being away for two weeks without wearing my soccer gear. i felt that there simply wasn't any communication at all, and i can't blame the team too. i need to get back on my feet and start communicating. or maybe the reason wasn't the communication, it could be something else... i can't afford to fall in love right now, damn.

okay i have to prepare myself tomorrow if i want to go for church camp, i need advice and tips! it's either i make it, or break it. not being able to attend church camp would lead to billy's withdrawal from the camp too. i don't wish to be the source of this regret. people please pray hard for me, i will also work hard in my prayers, extra hard.

i have not been very discipline in my working assignments, i feel very disappointed in myself, especially when my boss has been treated me so good yet i took it for granted. i want to prove myself to him once again, and this final project might be the only chance to prove my ability. at least when i leave tiger airways i will have no regrets during this 6 months internship period.

ciaos. thank you lord.

while i was slacking at the terminal staff canteen, i came across a father and his two young daughters. looking at them made me feel so warmth, and its been sometime since i experienced this feeling at home. the father bought ban mian for his princesses, and the both of them were very picky in their veggies and the amount of soup and noodles. i was watching and listening to them, it was interesting yet warmth.

will i ever get to reminisce those old times with my family once again?

back to blogging after so many days of absence from here. to top it all, i have officially completed my cabin crew training! i am starting to miss all my classmates, especially all the jokes. i will be anticipating my first flight soon as an observer, hopefully. i managed to ace through the assessment drills and papers, but yao jun perfected them all...

yesterday during the test period, i had to re-do the writing of my answers 3 times! all because my instructor was unhappy with the way i drew my "x". i argued that this wasn't art & craft and it wasn't of high importance. then the argument went on and i took my paper and walked off, she also requested an apology from me after i have cooled down. little did i know that it was her last day of training with us today, yet i made it a very memorable one for her. well eventually i apologized, and even bought her a sandwich for her, how sweet can i be. to clear off our dispute, yao jun, candy, my instructor and i took our last interns-instructor picture before leaving.

father's day performance is this sunday, been practicing hard for it. let's hope something special will happen that day - ivan's appearance in church service.

this week is getting much slower compared to last week, many things to clear before the day of the church camp arrives. at least i won't have to worry so much when i'm overseas. so many stuffs, yet so little time. oh well, i need more time management lessons.

football session tonight! anyone?

great now comes the bad news, my lecturer forbid me to go for church camp... what am i supposed to do?

being busy keeps me focused on things that i need to accomplish by this week. so far so good, my interim report's done, i'm not sure of scoring though, let God take over my grading. watched monsters vs aliens with joyce and yao jun. damn hilarious, especially that blue chewing gum, nowadays animated movies are getting more and more creative, and it seemed so real. well my next movie would "terminator salvation". another blockbuster coming up too, transformer: revenge of the fallen. :)

i am a big fan of terminator, especially when arnold's the man for this role in his past 3 movies. now that he's mayor of some state in the U.S, let's hope bale will bring some impact out from this movie.
cabin crew training is coming to an end by this week, followed by a final paper next tuesday. i want to perfect the paper, not just pass it. yao jun said that we should start now, before it's too late. i might be teaming up with him for the iso project, so many things to complete before church camp.

Lord, stay with me and thank you once again for keeping me focused in this path of direction. amen

i was glad that saturday and sunday was among the best days spent in my life. another fresh start to a new journey with God, i must say. i was still cooped up with my interim report during weekends. today, my supervisor finally endorsed it, thank God. my lecturer also did his part by giving me a few days grace, if not i will never be able to complete this report. fortunately teaming up with him allowed this advantage, but no more soccer this week for me. my knee is hurting real bad! i guess being isn't really that fun after all.

it's a new month finally. lots of struggles during the past 2 months, and soon my bro kok chye will be serving the country. one bro down, two to go. guess the 888 team would just be wei qian, billy and me. we need more recruitments! time flies, and attachment would be ending soon in another 10 weeks? i am currently been attach to tiger airways' cabin crew training, and its been a very enriching programme for me. apart from the air stewardesses, i enjoyed the activities and the lunch sessions with my pal yao jun. sadly, this week would be the last one before the final paper held next tuesday.

another exciting week to come, hopefully this week would be a better one for some of us! my supervisor has been a great mentor to me for the first half of the attachment. his new post means that i will be facing new challenges ahead. yeah he got promoted and posted to the finance sector. i just hope my final report's quality would be twice as much better than my interim. seriously i just scraped through the entire report. my aim of a gpa score of 4, i can smell it...