Out-fielder and marksman.

Life in BMT has been increasingly getting interesting, especially after the outfield camp. To be honest, there are some recruits who don't like me and vice versa. Even so, it's gonna be two months, so I would have to just suck my thumb and move on with it. Listening has become another plus point for myself, especially when I seldom talk a lot inside camp. They would always entertain me with their jokes and stories, instead of the other way round.

Coming back to Singapore whenever I book out, I would never fail to walk alone in Cold Storage, my new hang out area. Few reasons would be to get stuffs for area cleaning and food that I want to learn to cook when I have more time for myself at home, and buy snacks to reward myself whenever a week is completed. I've also started to buy my own essentials like toiletries and household items for my parents.

Tomorrow would be my 12km route march, and then SIT test, which finally leads to my IPPT.

If I pass...

HAHA

Back from confinement

Two weeks from confinement in Tekong, and I am finally back to the Singapore shore. Instead of cheering and yelling those two words "book out" along with my section mates, my mode of celebration was much low profile, because I was reflecting the moments that happened throughout the adjustment period.

I could never forget that first day of enlistment, especially when my parents bade me farewell. At that very instance, I thought to myself: "Why am I on this island? What lies ahead? Why do I have that sexual organ?"

But it was through this period that I realized the meaning of home, a family, and what does it mean to cherish and appreciate friends around me. On the second or third night in camp, I broke into tears upon hearing my mom's voice. My buddy thought I was blowing my nose, because I was putting my head in the locker and preventing myself from being caught by him. Eventually I still confessed, to my entire section.

God was throughout with me the whole time, during punishments or whatever crap that I was gotten into, it seems like I wasn't caught for anything, for example not doing the standard push ups or executing the drills properly. Only one time however, I assumed that I left my swimming trunks lying around the bunk, I was punished for that. But eventually in the night, God revealed the truth - that swimming trunk wasn't mine, so apparently I took the blame for that particular section mate. -.-

Few days before booking out, I failed my IPPT test, and gotten into serious trouble. I was asking God if this is what He wanted me to go through, or I didn't enough determination to pull myself up. Yes, until now I can't even do one standard chin-up. At times, I was angry with God and I worried a lot, cause the next test was on the September 3rd. One more failure, and I am out of course. It's either I make it, or break it.

Recently many have been falling sick, but I was still in the pink of health except for muscle aches and sores. I underestimated God, I failed to realize that God was there to ensure that I could continue with training and not fall sick during the confinement period, so that I could book out and enjoy the time with my family and friends.

Thank you God for going through this whole thing with me. There's more to share, but lights out is at 2230.

Good night.

What's my last wish before I enter army? - A simple yet happy family.

Fuck me. I can't wake up on time. I procrastinate. I plan outings and I cancelled. I make friends disappointed all the time. I can't seem to love people properly.

Now even as I prepare to enter, shit happened in the family.

No I don't blame God, I don't blame anyone. I blame myself for being a fucktard.

Thank You for all these, I need to grow in You. Thank You for the cross and the price You've paid.

Thank You for this beautiful exchange, my life for Yours.

The greatest temptation of all, is lust. I need a breakthrough.

Thank God it's Friday. I will be going jogging with my brother Teck Yi, follow which I will be meeting Kok Chye to get my army stuffs. You know something? I have not blogged about my daily activities for a long time, most of my posts are reflective thoughts and mostly crap.

I was browsing through some of my friends' blogs and I was quite impressed, especially posts on their daily acts of love towards people. Continue to keep up the good work! As I am typing this post, I seriously want to sleep, but my dad wants me to settle his Iphone software, and I am losing sleep over this. Is this a way of showing love to my dad? Seriously tired and a bit of agitated, but I hope he will appreciate this.

Food recently has been an anesthetic for me, as I've been getting the pre-army stress. Hershey's sundae pie, finger food, oreo chocolate bubble tea has been flowing through mind everyday! And yes, they are without fail in my stomach in every meal. Talk about fasting, I've never did it ever since the first day. Yes I am struggling with my own flesh.

I just realized I just volunteered to lead worship for this Saturday. I am not yet prepared!

Genting

So suave even when looking at the menu

My first breakfast upon arriving at Genting!

My coolio brother!

A neat room partner

On the other hand... disappointed

Totally gay to the max

Inside the cable car

Don't mess with the cool kids

"First time sitting in the coach?"

As usual, acting cool and failing all the time

The cactus that I've bought for my supervisor

I've to stand against the odds - Tekong Island

It's all in the mind, mind over body. As the days are nearing, I have not yet prepared myself for stormy seas ahead. But thankfully the trip away to Genting was exceptionally awesome, especially with my brother Teck Yi. Pictures have already been uploaded in the Facebook, so you can go take a look at some of my hot bods pictures (Apparently he posted some of my topless pictures in the hotel room).

Fun time's over, now it's time for war.

Oh yeah, I screwed compass test up, totally. But meeting up with the ATFKERS, sweet. Plus another secondary school mate Samuel Sim wrapped the day up for me.

awaken my heart, unveil my eyes

A person who is driven by his feelings to achieve great things never lasts, and that person is none other than me. Procrastination is sweet, I can never get out of that. Will someone throw a long rope and get me out of this bottomless pit? I am starting to be afraid of the darkness inside.

I hate comments/criticism/taunts that discourage me, or to re-phrase, wake my idea up. I appreciate that some of you are trying to get me up and walk on the path of righteousness and just, and please continue to do that. Although at times, I may murmur some crude words under my breath, that's just because I cannot accept the fact that I need to change. I want to change, so please continue to hammer me with the correct thoughts to change my wrong thinking. Thanks a lot. If I need a breakthrough, I would need to break my ego first. Not egg.

I admire people who are straight forward, but when I meet these kind of people for the first time, and they say things such as "Oh my god, you mean you don't use tissue to wipe your mouth? That's disgusting."

At that very instance, you would wish that she was mute. But that's human nature I guess, that's my ego. I need to break it hard and really be humble if I want a breakthrough. All the thoughts of writing my future as the best right winger in loccw. It's total bullshit.

But ahhhh, it's for entertainment purposes, so I guess it shouldn't be a problem eh?

It's getting late, I need rest to prepare for today.

Good morning and night my friends.

It's Friday, and counting down 13 days. I was walking around town with my two buddies in the evening just now, and thought to myself: "How time flies. Everyone is growing up." But whether I have grown a lot in maturity, that is only between God and myself.

I've always imagined going through an interview, and this question would be thrown at me: "Share something about yourself."

How would I answer this question? I don't know how to describe myself, for 19 years I have been living, and it feels like living inside this shell of mine. Who am I? What am I doing here on this earth? Life is like a "tap-and-go" concession card, with each day passing without any meaning in it. And here comes the next birthday cake, you blow the candles, and the next thing you know, you are one year closer to death.

Home is a place of comfort, where I can spend my time with my mom and dad, and brothers. But it seems my brothers don't seem to appreciate it, and their attitude is making life worst at home day by day. If I could, I would bring my parents out and live in another home, a home of mine. Home cooked food is the best a taste bud could ever tasted. Nowadays, young women of our generation can't even differentiate salt and sugar, looks like I am set for life on fast food restaurants. I want to learn cooking someday, depends on my procrastinating mood.

No, I am not being emo here. Just have the sudden urge to pour some of my thoughts.

Sometimes going to church is good, but going there without the correct mind is wrong. Yes the songs are good, the sermons are pleasant to the ears. But the thing is, not practicing it and listening countless of times can be annoying. It's just me. Yesterday, I was reading through my testimonial during my first mission trip during 2008. Now it's 2010, I am back to my old self. Inventing a time machine is useless.

What I need is a breakthrough.

simple gifts~

Today I shown an act of love to some of my colleagues on my last day of work @ Building & Construction Authority. I bought "Thank You" cards and some chocolates for them, and a very nice cactus plant for one colleague whom I killed his previous cactus, due to my crazy working attitude until I did not have time to take care of his plant which was just located beside my desk. Once again, I am finally out of that place. If I didn't had to serve the nation, I might extend my stay there, but this time demanding a higher raise in my payslip.

My brother Teck Yi and I have already booked tickets and will be leaving for Genting on Sunday night. The only problem I am facing right now - He actually paid the trip for me due to only $20 left in my bank. That's the other side of life if you are actually without employment right now.

Honestly, I don't really dare to approach my parents for money as they have to feed my two younger brothers (one of them is a fucktard) and their living expenses. I still have some upcoming events which would involve more financial burdens. I cannot afford to work anymore, I need rest and more rest before my day at Tekong.

Life is hard, I will definitely work hard and earn lots of money so that I won't ever have the need to worry about a single cent. The only thing left to worry is being single.

No more gambling for me, I think that was also the reason why I am broke. It's a painful lesson learnt for my pockets.

If Yvonne has created an account for prayer requests, I want to create an account for financial requests. All proceedings shall be used to help the Noobthenick funds.

Today is the day, the end of my work with Building & Construction Authority. I am glad that I've learnt many things throughout the journey with my colleagues, experienced many funny moments with those temporary staff too. I thought today was going to be a rough time, but still, I've been through it and am still alive. I hope I would be able to leave the final lasting impression in that company tomorrow~

What would be the upcoming journey for me as of now?

The start of my army life. I guess thats the next chapter of my life, and I have a strong feeling that I might not be able to withstand those darkest moments ahead. It's gonna be a rocky one, plus with my physical status at the present moment, I might not be able to get through smoothly.

Maybe a getaway from Singapore should do the trick, with my brother TY.

You will never be alone, when there are no more heroes. God's love will guide you home, through it all. When you're tired and you stumble, He will carry you. When starlight falls, His love will carry you home, when there are no more heroes.

I'll see you again, I feel You walking beside me, I know I'll see you again.

In these darkest hours, I will tell myself I will see You again. In another few more hours, work is coming, and I am not looking forward to my own fears. Suddenly I am afraid of challenges, suddenly I am afraid of people. I need a getaway.

I need a breakthrough, damn it.

I stood in a Christian bookstore today, knowing that I had to, because I need to get back on my feet. Sin is pulling me away from You.

The temptation to FML is sweet, but its temporary. Get out get out.

Frustrated whenever and wherever I am. Be patient be patient.

Late and late and late. Be early and punctual.

Lie and gossips. Stop and be mute.

"Spiderman (nicholas) v.s. Dr. Octopus" in the World Cup showdown on Monday morning @ 2.30am. Since my nemesis chose Spain as the winner, I shall choose the opposition as my favorite and the score to be 2-1.

It was a tiring preparation and awesome celebrations with both brothers Choy and Chye last week on their 21st. Upcoming ones would be Eugene Teo, Yeoh Zhi Yan and Alan Lee. I need the tailor after this month to mend my holes on the pocket after that.

Air Force ranged me up this week and told me I had to attend a compass test before commencing on the interviews. Of course I am happy at this good news, but am I capable of doing the great? I need some guidance on this~

14th July, Wednesday would be the last day at Building & Construction Authority. I've yet to get a testimonial from them, should I? It's been a fulfilling 3 months with them, especially the training on the administration work.

Left wrist still recuperating, its been two months already. When can I officially train on my pull-ups? I don't wanna down PES. I need a miracle, GMH.

An octopus that can predict all the winning matches? It's just plain lucky, I am not going to believe in this raw sashimi for this upcoming Sunday final. I am going to trust in the parrot, who's rooting for Netherlands to destroy Spain. If Spain happened to win the world cup, I will never eat anymore eight-legged dishes as a form of protest.

Another 20 days to my overseas trip, I am not looking forward to it, seriously.

Screw my life now, stupid stomach flu.

If only a shooting star appeared right in front of me, I would make a wish - that I can go back to my primary school days. No, I need a time machine, not shooting stars...

I could still remember those days when I was still close with my brothers, playing playstation together and doing all kinds of silly things. Hide-and-seek, sleeping together in the same bed room though we had our own rooms.

Today, the situation in my family has taken a 180-degree turn. My relationship with my mom and dad are normal. But the relationship between my brothers and parents have worsened and are already at a critical point where severe of ties might be possible, especially the second one.

Pray together with me, there's nothing I can do already. My second brother is super hopeless, only God can save him. Something happened today at home, thankfully there were no police reports, or getting my mom arrested. If she was, I think I would have whacked him upside down and inside out. How can he do such a thing? Where is the importance of filial piety?

What's happening to my family?

Two blessed things I've experienced in the workplace today:

1. Two weeks ago, I don't know how my temp card got damaged, and a colleague of mine had to pay $42.50 for her replacement. My supervisor helped me waived the fee and I received a replacement temp card for free.

2. A colleague treated my supervisors, my friends and I to a curry fish head feast during lunch today! During that morning, I was still thinking of what I could eat with just $4 in my wallet. Then my colleague suddenly appeared and ask if we were interested for a lunch feast today. I thought that she won some money after last night's disappointing World Cup matches, but it was the shares that she had won. So she wanted to share this joy with us. Awesome.

Somehow, this week seemed to be series of surprises from God. I really pray and hope that more will come!

3. I was supposed to meet my brother for a jogging session at 8pm. But when I got home, I was too tired for anything, so I gave my eyes a rest and the next moment it was already 10.39pm. My brother was waiting for me at Macdonald's without his cell, and if I were him, this friendship would end by now. I dialed his mobile, he rejected twice. I sent him a text, and his reply was that he was initially frustrated and disappointed with me, but even before opening my mouth or reply to his text that I was sorry... He had already forgiven me in his text.

I wonder if I could actually do the same to him, if I was the one waiting for him at Macdonald's. I am guilty of what I've done, and super disappointed with myself. But yet to know that I have receive forgiveness from a brother whom I have failed him countless of times, that's one friendship that God has blessed me a lot.

Thank you Jesus.

I scored plenty of goals today, courtesy to the assists from my teammates. But creating a goal is difficult, I can't seem to perfect a nice cross or pass for them to score. Thankfully I can still run and dribble. Overall, soccer at NUS today was awesome~

I experienced a miracle today while travelling to NUS. Apparently my card didn't have enough to board anymore rides. And knowing that my account has $12 left, I knew I had to use the last $10 to top up my card. As usual I followed the procedures and added value to my card, when the receipt came out... I saw a $302 balance in my account! For your information, my pay day should be on Thursday. I was worrying the entire day in the office and throughout the journey to work, God always had to throw surprises at the right timing. Thank you God. (:

If only I could experience another miracle in my love life right now, may the right girl just pop up in my sms now.

I think after saying this, no girls would dare to sms me for the time being.

LOL

South Korea are totally in love with Portugal after their last night 7-0 demolition against North Korea! The World Cup competition has brought many surprises and upsets to our pockets especially, and the likes of France, Italy or even England might put a halt to their progress to the second qualifying round.

Back to work on Tuesday was definitely not motivating, but after staring at my bank account ($12), I knew I had to keep my faith and motivation driving on, because of the upcoming birthday celebrations in July. You know who you are brothers... Well I thought by trying a little luck in the match between Brazil and Ivory Coast would win me some quick money. Oh just forget about it. Gambling isn't actually wrong, but making the wrong decision... that's sin.

Recently I feel like I've been thrown into the wilderness again, and this time wandering without a compass is bad. So bad that I am gonna be stuck 40 days inside there. Help.

Comfort Zone.

Two weeks ago during the church camp retreat, my brothers and I prayed for God's love to shower on us, so that we would be able to step out from our comfort zone to accept and love "weird" people. God commands us to love our neighbors, enemies and ourselves. Honestly, we all have been depending on our worldly wisdom and human's strength to accomplish this purpose that we are called to fulfill. God answered our prayer, He has placed new faces in our midst, and then we start complaining to God: "Why him/her? Why not someone whom we can interact or communicate easier with?"

It was Fathers' day yesterday, put up a performance with brother Marcus during church service, and it was applauded with cheers from the crowd. Mission accomplished. A happy father's to all the dads out there in Singapore, and to God - our heavenly Father. Would there be a chance to perform outside in the society, such as community clubs or even in the prison?

One area of focus that I want to concentrate on would be - confidence. I realized my image is built on how I desire for people to look at me. It's tiring and I guess its also time to really sit back and reflect during the start of the 40 days fast & prayer. Irene shared on having a sense of identity and what integrity really meant in the eyes of God. If you asked, I believe that I have this sense of integrity, I mean it!

Often in my workplace, I have to move from one working cubicle to another as there are lots of space constraints in the office. In these different cubicles, my colleagues often put their coins and some valuables on their desk. I am always tempted to take the coins and buy coffee/tea during my unofficial break time, but thankfully I didn't.

During the submission of my time sheet, my supervisor would have to sign before sending it to Recruit Express. I asked him why he didn't wanna check if I had filled in the time sheet properly, he replied: "Aiya, I trust you la, there is no such need to check through thoroughly."

This also led me to an even deeper temptation - first get my supervisor's signature, then change the figures on the time sheet according to how I want it to be.

...

Sorry for the break down. Brazil just scored 2-0. Not in the mood for anything.

Cockles & Oysters

There were no pictures, but the drag race between an evolution x and a sirocco was stunning! The race lasted for 15 minutes, and it was way better than the Spain v.s. Switzerland match. Best of all, I got my debut joy ride in that blue beast to East Coast Park. (:

I am still in a daze at work after yesterday's supper at EC park - had oysters, cockles and beer with my aerospace pals. The rest were in Pulau Tekong, and would be coming out soon! Wonder how would they look like in their shaved heads. As for me, it would be quite worrying as my image would portray a look of wanted criminal.

A blessed birthday to Chessia Chen, who has turned 20 today. I've known her for a month already, and the first week was totally screwed up when she first joined the company. I still don't know when or what struck the turning point, but right now we can just talk about anything under the sun. Don't be alarmed people, she's already attached.

Tomorrow's supposed to be my last day. Why did I extend it?

The bad news: I got more shitloads of work, especially from one demanding boss.

The good news: I received compliments from the rest of my colleagues in the office - an efficient worker, flexible and able to turn the situation around, never fail to throw in surprises (late for work or buy herbal tea).