i feel so fcuuuuk up now. reached home and a scolding from my dad cause i was late. told me i could not get the thinkpadt6o but instead to get a cheaper one. what the fcuuuuk? everything also cheap den dun buy better. -.- also i mailed the form e ard night time on 22 march when the mailbox closes ard 5pm. hahahahaha im dead... so dead... fcuuuuking dead
i feel so pissed off. i needa find a place and cool myself down. poly life. new faces new campus new feeling everything is gg to be new. wa lao im really keen to get my hands on the thinkpadt60. and for fcukkk i have to choose another one. cannot i have to appeeeal to my dad...


im missing something in my life. something that can take away all these troubles.
i was thinking to myself. why does one bother to do something in front of the crowd when one doesnt like doin it? it pleases the crowd but it doesnt to someone. its freaking pissed off.
im really in a bad mood now. i kinda feel uncomfortable inside.
1o pointer so wad? big fcuk? i dun even feel happy inside. no more alr. its just plain acting. mmm. i nid a psychologist now. desperate to find an ans to all these qns.
im just entertaining ppl onli. sticking to all their decisions. and at the end of the day there's just emptyness inside me. kinda stupid to type out all these shit i know. but thats wad inside of me.
i always go back home. staring at the com then blog a lil and then slp. the next morning i head out with all my cliques. wad my mom said was true. im treating home like a hotel and parents like an atm machine. i keep reflecting and reflecting. and then i thought ' who cares? they just keep nagging at me. ' in fact im terribly ashamed of myself.
since i can find no one who understands me well enough. blogging my feelings out is still the best. listening to songs helps abit to cheer me up.but after a while my smile fades away just like that. or maybe i dun even have a smile on my face. frens always nick me ' ak nich '. but wad for? for the fun of it?or do they really wanna tease me? im okie with that joke. but does it help me to change who i am? wild thoughts are running around in my mind. lost.
well honestly i like my group of frens. thats one thing to cheer me up. in this group we have different characteristics, personalities, hairstyles, or even laughing techniques. but we also have common interests like ogling at girls, playing the same sports,cycling and talking men's stuffs.
but i gotta say our group has coordination and team spirit. and we are united as one. sad to say we do have conflicts in our group too. its inconvenient to say here but some of you might know it.
did i mention that you can make frens in poly but its difficult to find true frens? thats my thinking but if anyone disagrees den i have nothing to say. of course im studying in the school of engineering in np and i have frens whom i have been with for more than 4 years who are also in that school. im very glad as we stil can get along tgt and not losing contact with them.
well i guess thats the end of part one. some might find it boring. i apologize for that. the next chpt of my life would be mine love journey...