I started out in a team alongside with my lecturers for today's competition against under-par student teams, except for my rival team. Last year, I was up against them, scoring against them with a 2-0 leading score, and got thrashed by a set of hat-trick goals from Saiful... This year, it was the same thing, please tell me what is the strategy needed to break their team down?!?!

I have not been blogging for a very long time! It's been a very rough journey during the last 2 weeks. One good thing is the cabin crew training I attended this week, in a class full of air stewardesses! It's been a long time since I heard giggles and gossips in my class 3 years ago, welcome back to life nick! Yao Jun also came for this training, and received better reception than me, guess these ladies don't like the bad boy style. Everyone was very friendly and warmth, it felt like a family though...

Jia lat, suddenly lost the mood to blog already. Bye!

Hear only the good words.

I am not sure how I want to start this topic though, especially when this period is so heated up. Nevertheless, I want to give it a try, when I have not been blogging for ages.

Been spending time alone this entire week at work with my supervisor, chatted with him on random stuffs, and I realize we share the same views on life-related matters, and I respected him as a mentor who teaches me and guides me to become a person with a higher level of maturity and not to be judgmental on people around me. Because someday, they will get their desserts, and from there, they will pick themselves and learn from their fall. Of course, my role would be to help them through this rough patch.

And from my working environment, there are also politics circulating the office. I have to admit, my supervisor has indeed been very patient with his colleagues. Another learning point for me. Why?

Because if he blows up, will people like it? No.

Well humans love to hear good things about themselves, but upon hearing flaws or mistakes about them. They change. I do change when I hear bad stuff about me, it also means embarrassment and shame and the guilt. Humans are very selfish in nature, I am also in the learning process la. But what to do?

I admit I tend to blurt out unpleasant stuffs about people, without first thinking about my flaws. I have a friend who is much more power pack than me, HAHAHA. Well there are people who just keeps quiet and go with the crowd to prevent any further disputes. How I wish I am the quiet one, just keeping my mouth shut and pretending it's a peaceful world out there. Nothing wrong about it though, it just makes life much easier. For me, life isn't easy at all. That's why I chose this path to walk with God.

Easy? Think again, it never was.

As I am trying to focus on typing, my younger brother screwed something and my mom shouted until the bloody world knows about it. I can't stand it any longer, day after day, I just feel like putting down on the shit I'm going through and running away from this city to somewhere and sit down alone and do nothing.

Like an island? With endless flow of meat and wine, so that I can get drunk everyday and live life to the fullest. But running away from all these problems will only prove one thing, cowardice.

I am going through a nightmare now, sometimes I just wish with a flick everything would go back to the way it was. But what way? Which way? The time where I was in my old self? Or have I already changed? So many things circulating through this mind of a helpless young man.

I wish I could somebody else, or changing myself now and then so that I can adapt to different people around me, so they will accept me, but not for who I am. This is reality, if you offend people around you, that's it. You just got yourself a landmine.

Nothing is good. (God = Good)

I see shadows of the people I used to be with, and we were used to be best of friends, and hope for the best, thinking it was to be set for the rest of our life after graduation, and seeing a happy ending for everyone us. Too bad... they are just going to become memories I can only keep.

Only hear the good words, or suffer the consequences if you say the wrong things

Ashamed.

I have come to apologize for all the negative words I have used on this blog. Negative opinions, feelings and thoughts regarding towards the specific people that I aimed here.

I want to clarify things here: firstly I have never wanted to become leader in ATFKERS, it's just that I realize the cliques are rather shy when it comes to organizing or planning outings. I am just trying to be nice to put in that small extra effort. And I have been too judgmental of my classmates recently, without sparing a thought for myself. This is utterly disgusting, I should not even judge people in the first place, they will get their desserts in due time.

Secondly, I am learning to cut some slack for changes in my clique. Even so, I should start by changing myself first before pointing out people's flaws, which is an act of hypocrisy. I admit I am definitely one right now. I am ashamed of this act but I will change, just give me some more time.

Thank you Trey for the wake-up call once again, "Well done is better than well said." I will heed this strong advice.

Thank you Nick for the words of encouragement and some life-related lessons that you written to me. Of course its all confidential, but I will never delete both of your emails, lest I fall back onto the wrong path again. At least looking at these emails serves as a reminder.

I am glad Wilfred will be meeting up with me this Friday, hopefully in the early afternoon before lessons. I can't guarantee but I will try my best to be on time for this meeting, courtesy from Trey once again, seriously if not I will never wake up my idea.

I am not going to delete those tags, I want to let people see the ugly side of me, blogging is about reality, I will never cover up my flaws. In this way readers will know more about me.

The road is narrow and tough, I know I will never be walking alone, I have friends who will guide me along, and of course God to carry this sinner through this life journey.

My weaknesses: I can't stay alone forever, because I will lose the focus and start to become emo, though eating helps lighten my mood, it doesn't help my pockets. I become more confident when I am with my pals, that's when I will cheer up, just like yesterday night at M hotel with my group of brothers. It was Kok's last night before his trip to Taiwan, will miss him...

Lost in direction, once again.

So determined to find that focus back, I thought to myself what were the priorities I had to set in order for me to maintain concious. Friday was fun, especially the part of class outing where I met up with Kok Chye and spent quality fun time with him, then supper with Sharity and Wei Qian. Thank you Kok Chye for the cab fare :) Class outing was rather dull, but I like the part where everyone talked during the bus trip to town. At least these 8 classmates of mine resolved some of the conflicts, thank God for that. For that moment I almost thought the meeting would see the end of this group gathering, but it turned out vice versa. :)

Cell group and percussion as usual last Saturday, but problems once again. I shall not mention what happened, but good to see us trying to salvage the situation as a cell. Percussion ministry is facing quite a few setbacks, supposedly a morale-booster for my bro Wei Qian, I will try my best to stay in the ministry and contribute as much as I can.

Sunday was worst after morning service. Wilfred offered to give me a ride to Zhi Yuan's house. I tried to wait for him, but an hour plus kept me quite impatient, ended up received a shouting from him. So here's what happened, I was at Zhi Yuan's house with Louis and Wilfred, and Wilfred suddenly commented on last Friday's outing, about how disorganized was the whole thing. So I argued back and he became more and more agressive. I had to step back and cooled down, of course he thought he won the "discussion". After that he continued back in his conversation involving girls and cars, again.

I am so glad my attachment is accompanied with Yao Jun, and the encouragement received from Zhi Yuan. Nick talked some sense into my stupid head, while Trey sent me some leadership powerpoint slides as tutorials.

讲钱伤感情。

For my class it would be: "讲车伤感情。"

Jealous? Or envy? About someone who "owns" his own transport? Okay that's hilarious.

"Owns" = taking from parents' pocket to obtain what he wants, without giving a damn to his own life.

"Circle of friends or so-called buddies" = chilling out the night life with strangers with "chio" ah lians and huis and having a confirmation that they are fun people to be with, "steady" people with cool beng cars and claiming to be pals or buddies.

Just so you know... I blog what I want, and if you aren't happy with this... Refer to Nick Keith's blog profile there.

Thank you and have a pleasant evening.

Wake up your idea.

Earl's Swensen Treat!

Here are some overdue pictures during Christmas'08!



Opening the present...



Ta-Dah! It's a mug with the caption "Following Jesus", courtesy from Sophia Ong!



A recent picture taken, the 4 of us who started the L4D ministry! Notice the vodka? It's not ours
HAHAHA!

I was so busy in the morning for the first time and I left for early lunch because I was so hungry I could not even move after all the arranging of technical log papers. Imagine it's just the first "sai gang" and yet I am complaining when Yao Jun has been doing this for months. Okay sorry pal...

Yao Jun, my supervisor and I had lunch at Terminal 3, and after YJ left, my supervisor felt lazy so he continued to "lepak". Initially we were at Ya Kun Kaya Toast, but he did not liked the ambiance so the both of us ended up at Earl's Swensen. I thought I was going to go bust once again, but he gave me a treat! The snacks I ate were even pricier than his, jia lat super guilty about it. I will return him a mega meal on my last day of the internship, alongside with all my fellow colleagues. Another financially difficult task. Thank the Lord for showering his blessings over a sinner like me. :)

I have made a decision on the girl that I will go for. She must basically know how to sing "You'll Come" from Hillsong, whoever possesses the ability to sing that will be the one that I might be looking for. It's really awesome when I heard the song, felt so peaceful. Remember arh! It's the song "You'll Come" by Hillsong. HEHEHE

:)

What a day what a morning what a treat! Thank you Lord! :)

Time Management?

I was browsing through the net and observe that there are so many people complaining about not having more than 24 hours a day. Crap. Why do people want so many hours a day? Even so, its pointless. You are still going to waste it, sit there and wait for miracles to happen, wondering when is the next time in life. Don't just wait for time to come, make a stand for it and take actions.

24 hours is just enough for a person to spend the day! 3 hours of breakfast, lunch and dinner, 8 hours of sleep, 8 hours to work, you still have another 5 hours of free time left! Okay okay minus off the traveling time to and fro for work. You still have so much time left! Time management is of the essence, work on it for goodness' sake. Don't always whine about not having more than 24 hours a day, you are already wasting time whining your life away.

Please start by sketching up your timetable, or getting a device with a organizer and getting all your tasks stored inside this function so that you will not think so much and let the technology worry for you.

I am not saying this because someone offended me. I just feel that those who whine about this have no sense of maturity at all!

Lord, please give them wisdom and a sense of maturity. Thank you Lord, Amen.

:)

I am going to make it all mine.

Looks like things taking a change after the heated "Me, myself and I" saga last week.

Time for change. But for the better or worst? Actually its both of em'.

Problems worsen as we are already in the midst of June. Problems such as relationships, financial, or even the exams. For me, I would pick financial as the most current problem I've been worrying over the past few days. I know I shouldn't be, have faith in the Lord that He will do all the work, for I know He has his purpose and answers for it. I am just playing a small part by saving up for the rainy days - L4D, dinner outings, gatherings.

Some of my friends are currently facing strain relationship problems, including me. We are living in a very fast-moving society, and we all want to take a break out from all these crap. I remember the time when Marcus, Wei Qian, Kok Chye and I were feeling the breeze with all the mountains surrounding us, and observing how the villagers chop bamboos for their campfire. It was peaceful, and there were nothing on our minds, and just felt like staying there for good.

Alan finally graduated from Ngee Ann yesterday, we had a celebration dinner plus a small session of L4D. Alan, Kok Chye and I won the game! Classic! 3 against 4 - Marc, Choy, Sharity and Wq. For the first time, we ended the game in a win. No comebacks or whatsoever, at least something to relieve our stress and burdens. Yvonne was there too, just that she left early due to filial piety.

Wilfred passed his driving test, looks like another addition to the family. Let's all hope it would be another turning point in his life, for the better of course. Another bunch of materialistic girls would be out on the hunt for him, who knows he might get one even before the semester ends? :)

I'm beginning to feel stabs in my class, I should start to build back relationships with people, and not just talk.

Well done is better than well said. ;) I took it from somewhere, and its not my quote.

Always look on the bright side of life.

Starting from last Thursday onwards, I screwed up. Drinking almost made me insane, obviously getting drunk is equal to sinning against God. But at the point before getting drunk, that's the stage where most people wouldn't feel themselves at all. That's where we will fall into temptations, and you will open yourself up to the devil. That's where I experienced it, for the very first time. I was not in my clear thoughts, not sense of pain when I fell to the ground, and laughing. My body was numb to the effect of alcohol, a grave mistake. I lost my self-discipline, but I was thankful to those who took great care of me though I was running frantically around the dance floor(If I'm not wrong?)

Immediately got a hangover the next day, late for lessons. Misunderstanding between those who travelled by car to Vivo city and those who did not want to travel there by bus. Had a good talk with Jun Long, but still he wasn't serious in his reflection. Maybe I did not phrase myself properly, received a wake-up call from Nick about myself.

Cellgroup on Saturday morning, before that had private math tuition with my students, apparently they waited an hour as I couldn't get out of bed. Another wake-up call from God as He spoke through Joseph regarding about "Me, myself and I" (Wei Qian mentioned it before).

Missed church service yesterday morning. Stoned at home for the whole day trying to configure my new phone. Dinner at 888 plaza with Wei Qian, talked to him regarding things that happened this week.

If you ever noticed anything optimistic inside this post please tell me. I can't seem to find any.

I pray that I will be able to find my focus and self back this week.

Me, myself and I

Wei Qian was sharing some thoughts with me yesterday after cell meeting while on the way to Rochor Tau Huay shop. Now here's something interesting, he and I have been pals for more than 10 years already, and he pointed something out which struck me quite hard.

He's an avid reader of my blog, and being the only one who pointed out my weakness, he said: "In your blog arh, I realize hor, it's has been all about me, myself and I."

Nicholas:"Me, myself and I???"

Wei Qian:"Yes, it's true that you are trying to change, or maybe reflecting on the changes around you. But don't you realize the credits goes out to your friends who point out the flaws in you? And yet in your blog, you mentioned that you were the one who pointed out your own flaws. Don't you agree with me that for your case, its always about me, myself and I??? Agree???"

Booooom... A loud warning has been sent straight to my mind.

I plead guilty on this matter. =( Someone please advice me how???

Too prideful and arrogant

I dribble, I shoot & I score

I had a great soccer fellowship yesterday at Jalan Rajah soccer court, though there were absentees, everyone held their temper and enjoyed themselves. I scored thrice with my left foot, winning 3 games in a row for the first time, and I lead the team to victory. I am training hard to humble myself and be a team player in the court, and yesterday was both mentally and physically good for me.

You know as a blogger, I will also browse my friends' blogs everyday. Sometimes not seeing them updating on their blogs can be a disappointment for me. I love to read blogs, to understand what's going on in these readers' life. It somehow captures their mood and I am able to feel them over the internet. I make it a point to type a post everyday before I am get off from work.

Not everyone of us are having the best time of their life at this point of moment. Some struggling with work, some worrying about their pockets, some might be affected with relationships - friends, families or loved ones, all these worries and struggles, its a waste of time fretting over them.

Indeed I am struggling with overcoming my problem of not voicing out my actual feelings towards some close friends of mine. Somehow I wanted to vent out the frustration and disappointment when I was not part of the outing, perhaps its easier to organize within their attachment groups. Yao Jun and I so far hasn't received any updates on ATFKERS' lives. Nick and I are in the midst of planning one at the Esplanade, some random famous jazz singer concert or something. At least he makes the effort to plan, I don't mind spending a little as long as we must all get together la. But... disappointment piling up as the days goes by...

I've heard people ranting about "getting a life!", "let's club!", or "let's find something thrilling to do!". At the end of the day, what do you actually get out of all these? For just that few seconds of thrill, do you think its worth it?

Think I should start updating photos in this blog. Too much words can sometimes bore you out right?

Wonder what this world is turning into these days, even homosexuality is allowed among couples. I'm so glad its the final year in campus, and I haven't even turned gay yet! :) Something good to share about... HAHA

I am so glad that blogging has given me so much confidence, through readers who have been coming almost every day to take a peek into my daily activities. It really encourages me a lot, and motivating me to want to blog everyday about my thoughts on random stuffs. I sincerely thank you readers for the support.

Another chance for me to redeem myself at the Jalan Rajah court later in the evening, no more fall-outs with my brothers again, it would be a time of fellowship with a bit of scoring here and there, courtesy from my feet (trying to become arrogant again).

Not sure what to write here exactly, after receiving feedback stating that it's a waste of time if I wanted to knock some sense into a friend of mine. Rather than wasting time on him, he suggested that there were much more other things to do in life. This is quite true actually, the outcome of helping him would either be a sarcastic reply or even some negative comments from him such as "I know you are just jealous, thank you and have a nice day.” It is totally childish yet hilarious at the same time. That’s the difference between laughing at people and laughing with people, witness the power of grammar.

I am glad that it's the final year and what a timing it is for things to screw up this way. I have friends who are struggling right in their first year because they got posted in a class full of weird, hypocritical and irritating people, some more my friends are innocent. What tough luck and life it is for my pal Olivia who has been struggling in her class for 2 years.

Some adapted to the polytechnic life immediately because they have to, and not because they are extrovert or what, to prevent from being the outcast in the class. Some are born to lead, that explains why they rise up as leaders in their first years, stunning some of the final year leaders in their course. You should know who you are. For me, I am so fortunate to be in a class full of dorks (it is meant to be a joke), though there was an expected level of competitiveness in some of us.

There seems to be a problem with my internet connection... Damn...

1st Week of the 3rd Month...

Another month to church camp, raising funds is indeed tough, but I am determined to go all out even if it means starving during working hours. Last weekend was a long one, and somehow a very moody one for most of us. Hopefully, this week would be for the better for some of us, especially Jinwan. The spiritual warfare indeed has started...

Looking back at those 'O' level revision papers for mathematics, I can't seem to remember the basic concepts and techniques used in some chapters, which brings to the point that I have actually been wasting many years mugging only for the grades. Eventually, what's important is the paper qualifications. I might have the best grade among all my pals, but if I don't even understand what I am teaching towards the weakest ones, I have already failed as a student and mentor.

The difference between a "paper qualified" manager and a "skilled & experienced" manager.

Being in the office for a period of time can bore you out, especially when you have nothing to do.
Thoughts running around my head, wondering what's the next step to take in life... I know I have many things left unaccomplished, and yet I am still lazing around waiting for answers or people to give reminders.

We're living in a world of temptations, if we don't discipline ourselves, we will fall. Peer influence from the people around you, like having expensive label wallet, clothes and shoes. But inside that wallet, you have nothing! So the next step, you get a job, pay back all your debts and continue splurging onto those items again. What benefits can you get out of all this? Attract vain women? Boosting your own confidence? If you think that having expensive "Gucci" or "Louis Vuitton" can actually boost your self-esteem, you definitely need a shrink. Unless you can really afford those labels, don't fall into peer pressure around you and end up having to borrow money from friends and struggling to pay them back.

You do not need all these to seek assurance of your self-esteem. Secondly, splurging your parents' money on things that unnecessary items or even stocks is totally unforgivable. Though your parents might have no objections, don't you ever feel guilty? Or ashamed? No wonder the term "rice burner" has such a big impact on some people hiding among the society.

Better starting maturing now if not you will suffer during national service. Curry flavoring isn't going to help you go far in life...

Satan plots on the weak, and glorifies the prideful ones.

I admit I have my flaws sometimes, especially when I stepped foot either inside the soccer court or the Lan shop. I tend to become arrogant and dribble past players and scoring for my own glory, or even shoot zombies and survive in the game of L4D. Somehow, it's a plot from the devil to tempt me away from God, and trapping me to become who I was in the past, another lost sheep seeking his sheperd in this sinful world. Sometimes, the devil is so powerful that he doesn't need to appear in front of you, his purpose is to tempt, and cause destruction among brothers in Christ.

I must say, he was successful in his first attempt during Wednesday's soccer fellowship. But he was never going to severe that special bond between us. The devil then tried the 2nd time, during Labour Day in the Lan shop between Kok Chye and me, yet again, he failed.

I can't say it is a coincidence, but everything seems to fall onto the right place, at the right time. Usually we don't have disputes on the court every Wednesday, and this week's sharing session was on the topic "How can I resist the devil's tactics?" God has already planned this along without our knowledge. Great is the Lord almighty. :)

Just got news that Jinwan has confessed Christ towards her parents, she's got into the worst state that any daughter has received from them. Bruised and abandoned, I asked that those of you who knows her, or not, to pray for her. I really do not know to handle this situation, but I really hope that you readers would sincerely pray for her.

Here's how you can pray:

1. Pray that her parents would soften and open their hearts to Christianity.
2. To give her assurance that God would never forsake any of His children.
3. Give her protection and peace and that there would no more suffering received from her parents.

During cellgroup, we were still having a fun time especially during the ice-breaking session. And now, this had to happened.

I apologize if this post bores you, but something has to be done to it, and I really ask you people to really pray for her right now, it don't need to be so formal or whatsoever. Just a simple prayer would also help her...


Nicholas Keith asked when would there be another class gathering, I am just loss for words. Guess without me there were already outings via those with cars, and that's the reward if you owe them, or even have the chance to drive them. Those without these priviledges would have to be on their own, every man for himself. If I had a time machine, I would rather be back during those times from year 1 to year 2. But I am so glad that I have Yao Jun as a good pal with me during this attachment period. If not, I don't think I will be in contact with my classmates. I am glad Nick took the initiative to ask for an outing, even people like him knows that having a gathering is essential...

The next class meeting I will be more serious and will expect some to break down in the process, like me...

Labour Day Outing

It just had to happened... and I started the whole thing once again...

I really need someone to talk... find somewhere quiet...

One more meeting with my class to go, I really need to prepare myself once again...

But first, I have change myself before the actual meeting.

The Lord opposes the proud, and blesses the humbled.

I need some time alone, period...