Anticipating the deadline...

The time now is 3.40am, and I am staring at my grandfather clock waiting for it to turn 6, so that I can wash up and head to school in the early crisp of the morning. This is it, 31st December 2009, the day that most of my classmates wouldn't want this day to come fast. Even as I am writing this post, almost all of them are online now, mugging on their final report. I don't feel a single stress now at all, because I have not even started on my analysis. Is that a good or bad?

When I heard that the deadline was pushed forward to 1pm, I was delighted. I was prepared to head to Malaysia in the evening, but now, I am able to spend some time to prepare myself for the countdown to new year!

Huh? What? There's still WISP and Human Factors project left to do?

......

Great...

But you know what? I tell you what I am going to do first...

Fuck these two shit, and party to the morn with my cliques!!!

Just kidding, I will start doing them on the first day of New Year. Don't worry, my project team mates.

The last semester have been a pretty disastrous one. People around me are telling me to pick myself up and start my engine because they have been covering up my ass for a month! Nick told me to stop stepping on other toes in order to seek help if not I will become worst and taking them for granted. Yao Jun has been reprimanding me regarding my behaviour and attitude at work, but still helping me through the tough times. TZR is telling me to wake up and told me that ABC is starting to avoid me because I often disturb him by going to his house to stay and... So much more bad things.

I appreciated them for the above mentioned, without it, I would be stuck. At least they tell me in the face, and not from the back.

Some told me that they can't see the old self of mine during year 1, right now indeed I feel like shit. I wanna get back to that old times, those days whenever projects or assignments were due, I could take them all, because I was King of last minute work. I could close one eye and get my As in no time, and knock every single one who was in front of me. I did not need to seek help or whatsoever shit, but now...

What's in the past is in the past. I have changed, but for better or worst, it's not for me to decide, it's for God.

In this new year, I will make the greatest comeback of all times that any polytechnic student has ever seen. I will make myself recognized before every lecturer that has taught me, and I will, I repeat, change for the better.

ddacp, BRING ON THE FEMAP AND CFD...

The End?

I promise I will start on my project once I've finished blogging, promise promise promise.

Every time when I sign into Messenger at an hour like this, people aren't in their bed still. It's either they are conversing with one another, watching YouTube, praying, or maybe something cheeky over the Internet (obviously men knows this well). Don't you guys cherish those sleep hours? I am craving for it right now, but with the deadline ticking away on my grandfather clock, I have no choice but to hang on.

On a positive note, at least Singapore isn't a racist country, the results of Singapore Idol (or Suria Idol preferably) was expected as usual. Some suggestions from bloggers included getting a Christian singer to participate in the next competition and get mega churches to dial in and get the votes. I don't mind singing though, just that the queuing process would be quite a chore.

Counting down to one day left before the new beginning of a new year. I am definitely feeling excited about it. New performances, new challenges, new journey ahead, but still, no change in my relationship status. I will be meeting new people as I progress on to the next stage of life, but hopefully I would be able to meet Jesus, or at least hear Him speak to me in 2010.

I was being asked this question: "Was Jesus born on Christmas? Scientifically, He was born on the 3rd BC. " (I am not sure whether this is biblically correct) What made this super hilarious was when the definition of B.C was Before Christmas...

Hahahaha.

Anyway, I think that's about it. And I have not been sms-ing for 3 days already. Good improvement, I shall control myself and keep it up. At least for now...

Counting down to another year.

I am nineteen years old, I accepted Christ before I turned eighteen, I've been involved in my first mission trip during Christmas last year. I came back with an awesome testimony as to how God changed my life.

In 2009, I was supposed to be serving my attachment at Goodrich, plans changed and I was attached to Tiger Airways for six months. I met a very nice yet strict supervisor who's been taking care of me, throughout the six months. Church camp clashed with my attachment period, and Ngee Ann Polytechnic has never allowed students to take leave for such events. It was the first time the rule had been overlooked and I enjoyed my first ever church camp. Interim report, final report and those difficult days during the internship, I have endured them all. Cabin crew training program was awesome too.

Cell-group gatherings every Saturday were great, because of the many imperfect people who gathered together to worship and praise God. It made that day simply perfect for all of us, and the relationship between cell members was at its highest peak when the Sound of Resurrection formed in the first quarter of the year. Performances in school and church allowed S.O.R to gain recognition from the public. It was special. The Sound of Resurrection is actually a percussion team.

China trip to Sichuan was another period of madness, at the same time, it became a turning point of my spiritual life. I started to backslide, and at the same time, I was supposed to plan for the upcoming youth camp which was due on December. Booze, fun, women and grades were the only focal points of my life during that time. God wasn't involved in any of the above mentioned. God did something, He ensured that I had the finances to bring me to such a place.

I came back, kinda felt weird and lost when I went back to cell, somehow I never thought of coming back to Singapore at all. Pushed myself to move on with life as everything began to accelerate in academic life and the upcoming events in church.

Youth-quake and the Ignite Youth camp were probably the ones that brought me back to life after being stuck and lost in direction for so long. The people from the camp brought me back to know my focus and direction, and I was glad the camp succeeded. Of course, being game-master unfortunately took all the credits from God, and I wasn't sure whether the hearts of these people were touched by God anot. Learnt a lot from the camp, but soon I began to fall away from Him, again.

This year was great because I had a decent birthday celebration and receive a lot gifts from friends and loved ones and also from Christmas. Honestly, I have never been that pampered before. Being a stingy and ignorant person, I really had a hard time adapting to such warmth and sweet accommodation. It was touching, I wanted to cry, but I couldn't.

Christmas eve, Christmas and Boxing Day almost wrapped up all the significant events that had happened over the year two thousand and nine. Another time of fellowship with the brothers, and it was nice. Talking about almost everything under the sun, and it was just natural.

Thoughts about the year 2010? Yes, preparation to serve the nation and plan for the future.

It's also the year that I will see a '2' in my age. The beginning of adulthood, the beginning of everything. A year that I will learn to sit, walk and stand with God faithfully, because this year I honestly have not been spiritually studying. All I know is to attend church, worship and cell-group, with no specific purpose. Unless I really understand my purpose, I would still be living a normal life, sinning and being late for church service every time...

Christmas and Boxing Day

One word - U.N.F.O.R.G.E.T.T.A.B.L.E.

Christmas Day Eve:

1645 - Afternoon movie date with the regulars, watched 'Avatar' and it was 5-star rating movie.

1935 - Rushed down to Bugis to get Christmas gifts and followed by another midnight movie, 'Sherlock Holmes', another awesome movie.

0225 - Slacked with Kok Chye and Wai Chong in town awhile.

0400 - Met Amelia at Woodlands and chatted.

0600 - Got home to prepare the gifts for the gift exchange in church.

Christmas Day:

0800 - Still in the midst of preparation for the gifts, went online and Facebook to prevent from falling asleep.

1000 - Reached church, received presents from friends.

1030 - Christmas service.

1200 - Gift exchange time between cell group members, also a time of receiving gifts from people!

1300 - Lunch at Queens-town before getting started on the props for another encore of the drama at the Church of Good Shepherd.

1400 - Props set-up and preparation

1600 - Christmas service with the drama at COGS.

1800 - Interaction with cell group members who turned up and it was dinner time, headed to Queens-town market for char kway teow with them.

2030 - Headed home to get myself packed and ready for stayover at Choy's place with the brothers.

Boxing Day:

0600 - Chatting with the bros on the bed after having supper at Mac's with them. Played Truth No Dare. Super interesting conversation.

1400 - Woke up and headed to Compass Point for late lunch.

1730 - Rushed down to Christ Church Secondary for props preparation and final round of encore for the drama, this time with video recording.

2245 - Everything ended.

2300 - Supper included dough sticks, beancurd and soya bean at Yishun. Thanks to Pastor Daniel, Pastor Joseph and Kelvin Hoon. (:

0000 - Reached home. (and bathed immediately)

Do you know how I felt when I was away from home for more than a day? I actually started to feel homesick for the first time, and what made it worst was not being able to bathe, and you start to hear complaints from people saying you stink and blah blah blah. I really thank God for my bathroom, cause I loved it. The moment I reached home, I threw my bag and stripped my clothes in a matter of split seconds and cooped myself in the bathroom already. That was simply heaven.

Next, did some housekeeping with all my birthday and Christmas gifts. This year was really special for me, because it wasn't like this in those previous years. My birthday was interrupted by the pathetic common tests and revision, on Christmas nobody bothered to come out they were busy preparing for the final exams. That was my life in the past.

The past 3 days was really special and unforgettable. Gatherings with the brothers in Christ was definitely worth it, though I always complained about my grades and projects in front of them. I never regretted spending time with them, and so I prepared some small gifts for them. Little did I know that, I couldn't count my gifts received from the people in church! What made me guilty was that I didn't even prepared for them. Shit.

Next year, I will make it up next year, definitely and absolutely.

Fun's time over. Now hell begins, in this period of 4 days. I am going to suit up in my best health condition and fight the projects. With men, everything is impossible (Looks at my classmates). With God, everything is possible.

I can do it, not because I can, but God can.

This is my prayer: To graduate smoothly from this polytechnic, get the desired diploma and get into a university. Reading the bible more often so that I can teach the younger ones.

But first, I need one in order to read the bible... oppps

Christmas Eve

Everybody wants presents on Christmas, some prefer surprises, some just prefer cash. I've received a 50 dollar bill note from my parents, and honestly I needed that to get presents for my friends. This year's Christmas theme is Budget. It sounds stingy, but don't you agree that expensive stuffs don't really mean anything? It just makes you feel good and 'distinct', but it doesn't make you a better person at all. The problem with me is I cannot bake, if I could I would bake a lot of pastries and give to people without having to fret about getting gifts.

Christmas is a time of receiving, and I've received 3 major projects and their deadlines are due next week. I got a pair of socks from Elaine, shorter from last year (a pair of soccer socks), but still appreciated it a lot. Thanks~ Take good care while you are away on a short visit back in Malaysia!

Looking back at Christmas last year, I was still at China still in the midst of preparation for the camp in the village at X'banna, Yunnan. A mission trip was the gift to those people over there, and it was worth it. It wasn't going to be the last mission trip, in fact it was the first and more to come! Right now, Christina's in Mexico with that same purpose, and the awesome fact is that she's gonna celebrate Christmas there!

Christmas is a time when Jesus Christ was born into this world, and his life wasn't going to be easy at all (He was born in a manger). Many people failed to recognize such an important truth, instead they are blinded by the other 'purpose' - receiving gifts under a tree and waiting for Santa to come down from the chimney. Mind you that there are no chimneys nowadays in Singapore, I am trying to think of something funny as I am typing this as to how Santa will wriggle his way through the house.

Santa and Satan. Are they actually the same?

There is no Christmas without Christ. Amen.

Tang Yuan & Time Management

I thought I didn't had the chance to eat glutinous rice ball with my family, and fortunately my mom cooked them at home! While waiting for that delicacy, I decided to do some self-reflection on my time management. Honestly, a lot of people have been covering up my ass for almost this entire year, no matter what happens, somehow there's bound to be something that will pop up last minute to save my ass.

Time management, if not handled with care and discipline, can be a major sin for me, because my team mates have been covering up for me, feeding the required information and tasks I have to complete before the deadlines which are due next week. I assured them that they will definitely get a treat from me after all these screwed up deadlines that are making life miserable for the entire aerospace cohort. What's even worse is the competition in our class, I shan't mention anything here, in case shit happens.

I was really offended when I heard that, and totally disappointed. Oh well, shit happens. It's the personality, and hope shit will happen on that person when he enters the national service. (:

9 days and counting

Events that happened in the year 2009:

Attachment @ Tiger Airways

Church camp @ Port Dickson

Overseas Immersion Programme @ Sichuan

Youth Camp, Ignite 2009

Christmas Event Outreach

Birthday celebration

Standard Chartered 42.105km Marathon

End of common tests...

What's next?

In another 9 days, we will welcome the arrival of the year 2010. However, in during this period, there are actually 3 deadlines waiting to be completed by the end of the year. This is great, furthermore, the Christmas gift exchange is this week! Who would be my angel? What am I gonna get for all my fellow brothers and sisters, with that amount of money I have left? I am totally left 4 dead...

I am gonna get myself started on the first project after being ignorant of it for the past 5 weeks. Over the next few days, it would be the ...

My Aircraft Propulsion System paper burnt halfway, so that my marks would be half of the total marks too.

Love is like a picture with all your loved ones standing together with a Christmas tree.

The L4D ministry boys at Japan.

Thank God for Friday even though many might not make it for tomorrow's Armageddon. It means I have to buck up for the percussion practice tomorrow in the final full dress rehearsal. This month is a total surprise to me. Ignite youth camp, friends accepting Christ around me, birthday celebrations and best of all the Christmas event which will be due this Saturday. The best addition would be the clash of the common tests and projects with the above mentioned. Time management is indeed very important if I want to be successful in both areas. People often criticize the church because they make people serve in many aspects and ministries.

However, I know its not an excuse. I've seen people done it, gone through it and made it. What about me? I don't blame anyone for this shit. Shit always happens. Self-procrastination is a sin, I need to seriously put all my focus in this final hurdle, which is tomorrow. Whether I make it or not, God you decide. I will do my best, and you will do the rest. Help me complete this last hurdle of the year before I finally breathe my last breath.

The common tests are here, but I am not putting my focus on them. I still have not post on my birthday yet, and suddenly I lost the mood to blog already. Bye.

It's the 600th post!

God is good! Whoosh! Ignite! Boomz! Ignite! Boomz! Ignite Ho Seh Bo!

These were the rants during the amazing four days three nights camp @ Diary Farm Adventure Center. The Ignite Youth Camp 2009 was indeed a success, thanks to the entire camp committee who made it happen, but the campers were the ones who made the camp PERFECT. (:

This camp gave me another insight to God's purpose for me, which was to reach out to these fellow campers and teach them about God's word and knowledge. I was guilty enough to admit that throughout my walk with Him, I procrastinated about reading the bible and when students actually approached me wanting to know more about God, I couldn't share the word with confidence. But I still thank Him for this camp, and the direction He has brought me back to focus on.

Indeed there were many loop-holes and break downs in communication during the planning and execution of games, but it was a reminder from God that the games were secondary, but these people were the priority of this camp. And true enough, many lives were saved by the grace of God during the camp! Amen! The presence of God was so strong in during the night sessions that I could feel it moving throughout the place and hearts of everyone.

After so many years of good results and grades, I actually neglected a lot of people around me, maybe that's the reason why I have very little friends to hang around or talk to. And it's because of such pathetic competition that has led us to politics surfacing in classes or disputes among friendships. But I still thank God for all this, because friends will come and go, but God you will never let go. Someday the world will end, but your word never dies and you will reign in the kingdom of heaven.

I love everything about the camp, the bunks, the people, the food, the games and the cheers from each of the teams. Of course I love the sessions too! Because lives were saved every night, and through this camp, God opened up their hearts, so that they may lead the lives with full of confidence, to step out from that emptiness or fear that has been living inside them for years.

Today, many out there refuse to accept or know God. Because they fear, they fear that their weaknesses in them will be exposed, they fear that if they accept God, the world will persecute them and reject them. The journey with God isn't a bed of roses, there will be many downs rather than ups, but God will bring you through everything, and you will witness His power and glory, so that you may be testimonies to those who have yet to open up their spiritual eyes and ears to Him.

Next year's camp would be even better! (:

Amen.

Your GameMaster
Nicholas

Is clubbing bad for your health?

As a matter of fact, clubbing is indeed bad for our health! Youths can afford to spend our health and cash on these places during the wee hours of the night, and trust me, these places have everything you need; the booze, the women (ranging from 16-48?), and the music, what more can you ask for? It's totally Boomz!

Ze Ting asked me one question: "Are Christians allow to go clubbing?"

I was taken aback when I heard that question, and my answer was "Yes we can!".

If we go there with the right purpose, i.e. chilling out with friends as a gathering, I don't seem to see any problems or issues with clubbing. Well if there is, I hope you readers can share your views on it. Convince me that clubbing is not a place you want to be in. (:

After all, we are imperfect human beings, and yes I know we shouldn't use this as an excuse to continue with our sinful lives. We must be a role model to the lost sheep and souls within this society.

Okay, something just got my attention. I am not going to discuss on clubbing anymore.

Why are human beings so good in their variations of feelings? I am facing this similar problem too, especially with the people around me. When the need arises to seek help from people, I would put away all my pride and ego and start smiling at him/her, then make clarifications on my doubts or source out information from them. Upon achieving what I want, I disappeared into thin air or ignore that person. Yes this attitude... super basket.

Are you the same as me? (:

Two halves kept talking to me just now:

Angelic Nick: "With great looks comes great responsibility, Nicholas you have what it takes to like someone and get a girlfriend out there! But first thing first, you need to be decisive on the choices that you made. Secondly, you cannot take girls for granted. Grab any opportunity that comes along your way and make it count! You cannot afford to sit in front of the laptop screen and wait for love to come. You have to fight for it! Pluck up those damn nutz of yours and start venturing out! Only by then, you will experience the sweetness of outings and bitterness when it comes to rejections."

Evil Nick: "Who cares about responsibility? Women are just objects! Come on, just go there and have fun! Hit the clubs and get wild all night! Go go go!"

Oh my god, what was I thinking? But nonetheless, the first step to becoming a gentlemen is to not treat girls as objects and respecting them, and finally not taking them for granted. And that's what I am going to do.

I wanna be a cookie mon-STAR

School was fun because there was not a single lesson at all. Instead, I went to tour trip also known as "Dialogue in the dark". Along with Trey, Ben, Liyan, Wilfred and some other guys, we had to become "blind" in order to experience this trip. Ended up everyone learnt quite a bit from this trip about being blind, and how they can make an impact on our lives instead of us. Sometimes, it's not the handicap who needs help, its the vice-versa.

Think about it, if you had your eyesight for 18 years, and one fine day you suddenly lose your sense of sight. What would be the first reaction that comes through your mind? How would you deal with it? Can you live with it? Where would your source of support come from? Will your lifetime partner be able to compromise? So many questions we often asked ourselves, yet we still never learn.

Not being able to see has its pros too, especially when it stops your mind from fantasies and the worldly temptations. Also you won't get to see those faces you've always hated. If I had one chance, I would give my sense of sight to those who need it, maybe my future girlfriend or spouse. I think I just sounded mushy, shit.

Trey and I were the only lonesome souls left in school just now, stayed for a little while doing our work. I headed to meet Louis and co. at Lido where we caught the movie 2012. The effects and sounds were great, but the storyline wasn't good. Could have been better, and oh if you really think the world's gonna end on 2012, it's not gonna happen.

No man or scientist can predict the day of armageddon. The end of the world is like a thief sneaking into your house, you will never know when is it. You cannot possibly stay up all night and wait for the thief to come. Alright, I am tired. Nights.

The end of the world

Many predicted that armageddon will come during the year 2012, especially after watching that movie. But I can assure you, it will not end on that year, because no man will know the time it will come. So just a piece of advice to you people out there, live everyday like its your last. Am I living each day to its fullest?

Here are some reasons why I am feeling very pathetic these few days. Okay I admit I am quite disappointed towards "some" of my classmates. I used the word "some" because I don't want to be specific. I want to voice it out somehow but I don't seemed to have that courage, which is why I began taking new routes back home instead of the usual one where it would take much longer.

I am sorry for all the shit I've created. I am sorry for being pathetic. I am sorry God for falling off from you time after time. And thank you for not letting go of me when I am always about to fall off.

Somehow, I know I should be doing work, and yet procrastination always takes place when I am most tired. I need to get back my fighting spirit. I feel very mentally and physically weak, and work keeps on piling up every single day. Could this be the moment for me to start feeling more relief about my grades? After stepping the accelerator throughout my life, it's time for me to hit the brakes and refuel. I need rest, no more mind games and politics circulating the class.

I want to make an impact on the class before we graduate. I want to leave nothing but unforgettable memories for all my friends. But, the introduction of competition has been affecting the morale of our class ever since the start of year 2. Why?

I know grades and achievements are important goals in our life. In fact, they should be and are definitely part of our lives. No doubt about it, even I want good grades. But think and reflect again, don't all of us want to have fun too? We are still young and rebellious, surely it won't kill us to have a bit of fun? The moment you turned 40 plus years old (that depends whether God decides to postpone armageddon), I can assure you, you will start regretting about not having fun. And that's human nature, we always regret. Damn.

If we want to make up, this is the time. We should all stick and hang on together as a class, and not every man for himself. I don't wish to give up hope on my class, I am pending everything on you guys. Please don't make me lose faith and hope.

Don't read if you do not find it related to you.

Time flies, and Christina is still in Mexico. Read from her blog that she doesn't want to celebrate Christmas and New Year alone. Oh well, it's a really new experience especially when you in a place full of riots and gunpowder. Sorry but I played too much "Modern Warfare 2" at Zhiyuan's house yesterday.

I gotta admit that I kinda envy my sister Qiu Tong when she confessed about her identity in Christ towards her parents. She will be a good testimony in time to come, and looking back, I realized I haven't been sharing single good news about what God has done in my life. No doubt He had provided all my needs, but what I want to experience is something life-changing for me. Maybe not now yet.

I will have to continue to invite more people for camp Ignite'09.

acceleration v.s (steadiness)

What is something that you would use to describe your life? A Ferrari? Bus concession? Kitchen?

Until now, I am still pondering over this question. I came across this phrase from my wise friend: "No one can stop me from accelerating".

A very powerful phrase, but used for the wrong purpose. It's true that each individual wants to move with quick pace in this ever competitive society. It is similar to a sports car, moving at a top speed of more than 140km/h on the highway, and that feeling is wonderful. All of us want to accelerate in life, but what if, and I meant IF, we crash onto something? We cannot possibly accelerate all the way, even if we have that self-resilient mentality, our body system cannot take it. Likewise for a sports car, problems would surface if the driver were to step hard on the accelerator all the way.

People who are "accelerators" in their academic life often have very little friends around them. Because they move so fast, sometimes they neglect the people around them. Only when they are in need of help, they would slow down, and try to get these friends to repair his/her problem. Once their problems are fixed, they proceed on without giving a wink to these helpful people. This is the cruel yet realistic truth, and yes, everywhere we see competitions, we see classmates or colleagues falling away from each other due to grades and results.

Ask yourself: "Are you the driver who accelerates throughout your academic life? Or the forgotten mechanic who fixes problems for these drivers' cars? "

So we have discussed about the driver and the mechanic. Now what about the passenger? They are the most scheming type of people you would want to drive them around.

If I were to describe myself, I think I would be the bus driver. Because of my leniency, I've been picking passengers and giving free rides to them. They are the ones who do not do anything, do not bother or have the decency to contribute, and yet you see them waiting to hitch a ride, from either the driver or public transport (bus driver lo).

Drivers who accelerate means that they have a plan or target they want to achieve in life, that's why in class you often see them very focused and attentive in classes. Passengers who sleep, laze around and chit-chat all the way, and when deadlines start to arrive, they would hitch rides on these driver seats. In other words, to put it bluntly, they leech and suck answers from them!

There are two types of drivers: one who accelerates all his life and the other who drives a public transport who carries passengers around, ensuring a smooth and safe academic journey. And of course that good old car mechanic who covers up both our asses. I kinda have an idea who are the car mechanic/s in our class.

Fyi, this isn't a post to knock people down. It's a feeling that I would like to share. If you feel offended, maybe that's because you are that driver who does not give a hoot to your surroundings. One advice I would give is to slow down and step on those brakes, take a look at the beautiful scenery around u, maybe you would realize that life isn't stressful after all.

Remember, not everything is about results and achievements, think about your life, what are some fun memories you actually have with your classmates? There's no need to think that hard, because we seldom have fun together as a class...

Fortunately it's the last semester, if not I would definitely change class.

Dumbstruck

Thursday was supposed to be trekking day with my beloved game committee members, due to the rainy weather which would be a huge factor on the youth camp, it was canceled. Not wasting the time, I stayed in school to complete this two weeks period assignment at the computer lab till 9pm. It's just the start of the semester, some more it's only the third week!

However, modules like this sometimes strengthen the bonds between classmates. We would bound to have arguments every now and then over minor issues from that tutorial. I was glad that I remembered the funny parts of the arguments, and thank God for using my humor to relieve their stresses. But there were also times when I cannot stand them being too sensitive over being correct or accurate after obtaining the results. Come on, it's just a tutorial, not something that would kill you straight if you get it wrong. Wake up your idea la. The trick to surviving and scoring for this module is to be flexible and scheming, not just being hardworking and smart.

While I was walking towards the school bus stop with my classmates, there were four part-time students in front of me. As usual, I was talking loudly about all my random crap and joking about nonsensical stuffs, and something caught my attention. The part-time students were communicating using hand language, and I immediately became dumbstruck. I started reflecting on myself during that instant moment: "What would happen to me if I couldn't speak at all?"

Random thoughts just started flowing through. If I couldn't speak, would I actually become a much better person? The tongue is much more deadlier and devastating than weaponry, and it kills. When I saw these part-time students, I felt damn disappointed in myself, for the fact that I always speak of words that hurt people indirectly or gossip behind people's backs. It's really despicable, but that's human nature. I want to taste the feeling of not being able to speak but rather communicate through hand-signs. Maybe life would be much simpler that way because I don't have to talk at all, another problem solved.

I realized that I have been speaking with a huge amount of sarcasm in every of my sentence. Yes and it's aiming at the people that I know. And I apologize for that, please bear with me, I will and must change this attitude.

I am seriously suffering from fatigue for the past two days, and a big congratulations to Wilfred who has found hope in his love life right now. All because I had a joy ride in his Honda ESI... How realistic of me, but that's the way the world revolves around.

Happy birthday to Makan! Hope your interview to work at Ritz Carlton would be a success! (:

Okay, quick question: "Has anyone of you gone trekking in the afternoon before? Siao ah! Morning don't want to go, must choose the timing where sun is shining the brightest!"

That's what I would be doing tomorrow after lessons. With just less than a month left to prepare for camp, I am not sure whether to feel excited or worried. Fortunately I have a dedicated team of gaming committee, if not I have to prepare to "jiat sai!". (:

OKAY HEAD TO BED! NIGHT SUCKERS.

happy birthday to joyful jinwan

Happy birthday to joyful Jinwan, who turned 17 on November 4th. We had a mini-Heartbeatz birthday celebration at Pizza Hut @ Causeway Point. I am definitely sure both Jinwan and Makan a great time, because it's been such a long time since everyone of us enjoyed each other's presence as a cell group.

The month of November has finally arrived, and in another month's time I would be turning 19. I am excited at my upcoming birthday, but whether would there be celebrations I am not sure, but one thing I can confirm is that my class wouldn't bother to remember because of the clash in the common tests. Oh well, let nature takes its course.

Looking back at all my birthday celebrations, I think those celebrations with TCG were the best of all, because those were the only ones I had with them. Right now, receiving wishes from every single one of them would be my perfect birthday present, every member from TCG...

School's getting pretty dull, due to the fact that more than three quarters of my class head home after school every day. I asked Zhi Yuan why he wanted to appeal for a transfer to my class (which was successful), his answer was short and sweet; he was tired of all the criticisms and insults from his previous classmates. Ever since his arrival to our class, his presence played a big contribution to this particular module, DDACP. In this module, Nkt and I were grouped together for a upcoming project this week. Thank God for that.~

In the last year of secondary academic life, I used to hang out with my classmates for almost every day after school, playing football or hanging out in town to play pool or ogling at "chio-bus". I thought my last semester in Ngee Ann would be the same, but I was wrong.

I always asked myself and God, "Am I being too overboard or demanding?" All I ever wanted was a simple outing so that as classmates (or colleagues which I presumed) we would be able to know each other better and in-depth. If you asked me, I definitely do not know some or all of classmates well enough, yes it's true that 3 years in campus is a short period of time. But I believe if one has the heart of attitude, even cycling in the midnight also can! (:

Secondly, if you had an option to choose between grades and your friends? Which one would you pick?

For some of you out there, I know the answers in your heart already. Till today, it's still a very difficult option to pick.

I always share a lot with Nick about my views on my current class situation, given the current right now, after the graduation day, we would never remain in contact with each other, forever. I hope to salvage this situation, I hope to bring out the best in this last semester. One person is not enough to make this happen, it require the hearts of everyone, the heart of attitude.

Time is ticking, time~time~ is ticking...

When you are lazy, you are also being evil at the same time. Being lazy means not getting your work done, procrastinating all day long, and when the deadline comes, you tell yourself "tomorrow never dies!". Okay, I am being random after a long day away from home. One good news was lessons ended at 10am, and the bad news was that I had nothing much to do in school apart from all the deadlines I will be facing soon. Like I said, I was being pure lazy all day long, kinda wasted 8 hours of precious time and money on pool and Left4Dead.

Looking back at the time of my attachment period all the way to the time I was packing for my China trip, it was a total of six months. To those who had gone through the internship programme, what have you exactly gained from the experience? Putting your grades aside, have you ever learnt something from all that ups and downs? Or its just one of those working experiences you had and clean forgotten about it?

Honestly, I miss my supervisor who had been a great mentor to me during my attachment programme, and the credits goes out to my aerospace lecturers who made the arrangements for me to go to Tiger Airways. I miss those days where I am always being reprimanded by him and yet at the end of the day I would always head home with a lesson learnt. Sitting in front of the screen and reflecting back, I still prefer those times where I would sit right outside classrooms with my buddies for being mischievous. Money cannot buy back those times. And yes I know, life has to move on right?

Today was IS lessons and on the way to block 46 alone, I saw a matte lime-green Ferrari parked right beside the Convention Center. I thought to myself: "Why do they lead such blessed lives, without having to slog their guts out to own luxurious cars like these?" Well, the truth is, life is unfair. Just move on with life and be happy with what you have. When I see people with such privileges and bonuses in their academic life, I often think about the sufferings of other people from the third world countries or those who are affected by natural disasters, terrorists' attacks and etc. And I thank God that He has provided everything for me, and I should not complain nor worry about it, because He is the provider and the giver. If only He granted me a Lamborghini... Okay just kidding. :)

I was alone in the computer room as usual getting my exercise done for the 34th (anyhow guess) time, and suddenly the door just opened and I saw someone familiar and pretty of course. Fortunately she was alone too, so I spent most of the time chatting with her and focusing my time on the screen to ensure my analysis operation was smooth. What I enjoyed was chatting with her, what made me frustrated was that the programme kept lagging umpteen times!

And then I saw Joyce, what luck! Walked with her for quite a distance before parting ways, and that's it for today. I met a Ferrari and two girls whom I have not been seeing for a very long time, ever since coming back from China.

The funny thing is, whenever I talked about girls people would raise their eyebrows and assume that anyone of them could be my next life partner. Honestly, the answer is no. It is true that I want to find a girl friend, but I don't think rushing things would benefit me or her.

* Bomb.

No worries la, readers. When the time comes... it will come.

:)

the start of the week.

hello comrades, it has been a long time ever since coming back to Blogger. seriously, as the end of the year is coming. i just feel that there are so many things piling up on my shoulders, and yet here i am procrastinating about them instead of executing it. if i had a bag of cash right now, i would definitely travel around the world * winks.

school has increasingly become a bore, but the thought of graduating from this last semester motivated me to move on. believe or not, at the end of the 3 years' academic life in Ngee Ann Polytechnic, i will become very lazy and stupid. who is to blame? me of course. i have been too dependent on lecturers and the people around me in terms of practicals and projects, my two major weaknesses so far. i have to turn them into my strong points, if not the probability of surviving in the working society would be minimal.

okay time for the bed. good night.

ever since i got back from china, i realized everything has been advancing so fast. especially when i have never been preparing for the youth camp, i am thankful for my team of game committee members who have been there for me while i was away.

i have disappointed God once again and again and again, and towards some friends whom i have been closed with for years.

the end of one exam paper, brings out the start of a new beginning for me.

emotion: moodless and tired, but can't sleep?

i only have about a few hours to type my final report, i know i will not be able to make it for tomorrow's lessons on time again. it starts at 8pm for you information, and i am going to lose sleep again just like old times in sichuan. somehow, i just feel very moody over a lot of things right now.
i am so glad to have listened to planet shakers' latest album in the school library, at least that calmed me down.

i know i have disappointed a lot of friends recently, i have no one else to blame but myself. i always speak without thinking of the consequences, and the words that come out from my mouth are just a form of entertainment, and thinking back, have i ever been serious with myself before? i recently just made a close friend of mine disappointed over football, i know it sounds crazy, but the both of us really treasured those times when we played together. yesterday, i promised him we would play in the evening, then i fell out on my words once again. i received a text from him that he's not gonna play with us the next time. i just hope that it was a moment of frustration. i am sorry bro.

anyway, just a little sidetrack, i am very happy for choy for leading a boy to Christ for the first time in his life. i can understand his indescribable emotions, and when would i ever have that kind of chance to do that? haha.

these few days after arriving back in town i have been hanging out with kok chye, olivia and wei qian. few of the best pals i ever had right now in my life, wonder what happened if they weren't there for me. cause in school right now, what i can see right now is just on the surface, except for the fact that zhi yuan has been posted to my class for this last semester. i am damn worry about my next partner for this particular project which cost me about 6 credits. its a huge test of faith for me if he were to be someone who doesn't care about grades...

Lord, lead me away to somewhere far...

i think no one in Singapore would believe what i have to say after today's incident.

yao jun called me in the early morning telling me that i had practical lessons at 9am. time check : 9.30am
i quickly rushed and packed everything and got ready at around 9.45am, at that time i was prepared to cab down to school.

i got down to hail for a cab, and for the next 20 minutes i could not get one. finally one came but he told me he could only get me around woodlands, so i waited for another 30 minutes and finally all the cabs were either hired or didn't bother to pick me up. i was seriously pissed with all the cab drivers in Singapore, and had the sudden urge to point the middle finger and hurled vulgarities at myself.

eventually i reached school at 12pm and lessons were already over. wilfred said something which made almost wanted to break his face. what a great start to welcome my life here, i cannot wait to earn and head back to Sichuan and bring here back to stay with me... Maybe its just infatuation, at least she was the one who brought me those happy memories on the final days of my stay there.

i can't seem to think properly and straight now, one moment i think of my studies, the next moment my youth camp, then her, then my friends whom i have not been meeting for the past 6 weeks. my stomach and head keep spinning till i cannot walk and breathe properly. shit... its time for another hibernating session.

Hasta La Vista Sichuan

one more day before i leave sichuan. initially i told everyone that i wanted to come back to singapore during the first week of the trip. since it's the last day in this place, i am definitely going to miss this place, and the people here, and of course her...

for 6 weeks, i am so fortunate because the hostel that i lived in has a toilet bowl! mr. lee said that we were supposed to stay in another campus where 8 people had to stay together and there were no toilet bowls, which meant that we had to squat. heng arh~ because my aiming sucks when i try squatting (ask wei qian and kok chye, they know it while we were at Kunming last year.)

i still have to say, the girls here in chengdu are much more nicer than singapore. my lecturer commented that every 3 step i take, i will see 张曼玉，every 5 step i take, i would see 凌青霞。roaming the streets of orchard road, i wonder how many step i have to take to find one like that, or maybe i need to run marathon before i can see one beautiful girl.

anyway even as i prepared to fly back to singapore, i am not prepared enough to face some of toughest obstacles in my life. yeah, just received the prayer and fasting list from sinong. speaking of which, have i been doing my own quiet time down here in sichuan? honestly i have not been praying ever since the 2nd week of this trip. i was away from God for a month while i was down here... i really miss Him and those whom i've been with in singapore.

before the china trip

even in the midst of preparing for the china trip, shit happens. my second brother unfortunately mentioned that he wants to kill my mom right in front of her and my ears moments ago. i cannot believe my own ears and him, kill my mom? people, even if you are super frustrated with your parents and eldest brother, you shouldn't say such things.

he told me i could go to china and die there for all i want. i wasn't affected by those words but rather the above mentioned phrase. in addition he wants to make my mom's life miserable after my mom forbid him from the community involvement programme in vietnam.

community involvement programme? that's fucking hilarious especially coming from such an ungrateful fucker. i apologize but i have no other terms to describe my brother.

so before i can go there in peace, could you guys just pray for my family instead of me?

prayer pointers:

protection, safe and good health for my mom and dad
both my younger brothers wouldn't harm my parents.

i hope some of you could help me watch out for them too. if you are willing, do send me an email so that i can give you the address of my home and you can go up and ensure everything's alright. if shit happens, dial the police and arrest my 2nd brother. thank you.

i can't believe i used the term 'brother'. i can't stand the way he shouts and curses at mom. well he can't do the same to dad though, he's the one providing the financial resources. look how bloody fuck up he is. since my mom isn't the one providing the money, he treats her like crap. not only that, he argued back saying that parents should respect the kids, not the other way round, and getting the laptop for him is what they must do.

wtf?

nkt, i need your help. could you stamp on him like how you killed that cockroach?


rather than blogging about happy stuffs... i am back to cursing and swearing just hours before the trip.

damn

previous posts from wordpress

hi guys! here are some of the posts from my wordpress. enjoy:)


20.08.08

i know i can, i know i can, cause i have Jesus with me! yes i can!

it's quite a neutral feeling even though it's two weeks away from the immersion trip. i am not sure whether i am excited at the prospect of being a student leader, after yesterday's heated argument with the aerospace gentlemen. to make an appointment with me before my flight, you can either email, text or phone me. i will be available for the next entire week. hahaha :)

yes it's the final paper tomorrow, but i am not mugging! i shall start after this post...

people are suffering everyday, even in our own society. nkt once mentioned to me that going for missions are a waste of time. "why should we go out to help people when we ourselves are having problems too? first solve our own problems then we can focus on going on missions to help those in need."

honestly i was quite disappointed in this answer/excuse. yes it's true that we have have our own problems to ponder on, but does that restricts us from reaching out to the unreached people? NO. it's a stand i have to make, not even the mountains are able to waiver my decision on becoming a missionary in the next few years. looking back at the above mentioned trip, and as i am typing this post, i suddenly got back that adrenaline urge to want to get out of town now. if we were to first solve our problems then reach out to the unreached, by that time armageddon would have come to annihilate every living thing in this world. it's an excuse, and we are being selfish.

i hope this would leave us to do our own self reflections... sometimes in life, it's not always about us.

your friendly neighbourhood,

spiderman

19.08.09

right after the final attachment presentation, i was touched by some of my classmates who waited for me at makan place.

and an argument took place in just a few minutes over my presentation.

i thought everyone was joking, and suddenly the situation became so tense up, and i felt everyone was against me.

yeah thanks for making it happened because the china trip is coming. i slammed the glass door which shocked everyone in the canteen. fortunately i did not got into any fights.

(after a few hours of sleep......)

looking at the incident above, i am just damn childish.

somehow, i have a feeling someone wants to see this happen within the class.

call me judgmental or sensitive, but if anyone tries to wreck the bond between me and my friends. you have a little harder.

push me abit more, and i might break your face in china. trust me.

the first to present, the first to impress, and the first to leave a lasting impression. i can't be arrogant though, God brought me through this entire week. i was guilty of not seeking Him during the lowest periods since this week and the past few days.

but i tell myself: "hang on spiderman, think of the bigger picture that God has planned for the upcoming road ahead. "

i will be starting to post my thoughts and recordings in wordpress. kinda addicted to it though.

i shall reward myself with more sleeping hours before starting on the next revision for the final test this friday, yeah damn pathetic. :(

time really flies, in a blink of an eye, 6 months have passed... life in the working society will be another difficult journey. oh well i shan't be too far-fetched.

come on! nicholas! you have to persevere and be humble.

17.08.09

i am still exploring wordpress so forgive me if you find this blog abit dull. anyway i just want to comment that i have finally finished my final report on the industrial attachment programme. my sister neo is still in the midst of 'chiong-ing' hers, oh well guess our dinner date would have to be postponed again.

one thing i like about wordpress is the way they format the writing style, also at the same time it brings out this adrenaline rush within me to want to post something here. maybe i am new to this environment, after being with blogger for so many years. looking back, i have written about 572 posts on my life biography.

someday when i have kids, i want to compile everything into an autobiography for them, so that they may know more about me through reading it. it's hard sometimes for parents nowadays to show love on their kids, maybe that's the reason why my brothers are causing a mess in the family, sometimes even worse than the typhoon in taiwan.

being in singapore is such a blessed thing, even though there were slight tremors due to the earthquake that hit sumatra, we stood strong.

i am blessed that i have my limbs and health, i am blessed that everything is provided, i am blessed that my weekly allowance is more than others. i shouldn't see the reason to complain, but it often happens. i must never take all these for granted. maybe i should remind those around me to cherish what they now and be contented, not be blinded by temptations around them. seriously, temptation is a very powerful tool that can turn the life of a man 360 degrees, and once you are hooked with it, its hard to get out. i wish i could get out of mine, and hopefully cover that dark pit with something so that i may never walk into it again.

if you are faced with temptations, how do you overcome it? well prayers are one effective way, the other method... i strongly discourage it - "walking into it to overcome temptation". that is bullshit, walking into it doesn't solve the problem, in fact you will become the problem.

damn random with my thoughts, i need to stop and start on my presentation slides.

till then,peace out

15.08.09

okay i am going to chengdu for an immersion programme, and china happened to ban blogger. so here i am using wordpress for the very first time.

i have managed to find my way through here, thank God.

recently this week has been a blow to me, i need to talk to someone i know closely. i realize friends aren't really the solutions. Calvin told me that as time goes by, friends are people whom you depend on, but the dependency level isn't that strong. looking at my situation now, i have no choice but to agree to his words.

now, i am on my own.

many times people tell me to pray and seek God, the truth is, i don't. many times i tried to cry and release all my emotions, and it failed.

Calvin once told me to give a serious consideration on choosing the right path in life, religion is some sort of a self-assurance when you are down on the bottom rocks. but what exactly is the right path? even if i chose the right one, will it be an easy one for me?

i want to experience God and listen to Him whisper to my ears, but somehow it doesn't seem to happen. my life right now after the attachment is advancing like a bullet train.

yes i want to see a change in my life, a good one. not a life being destroyed or ruined by my own hands.

i am really hanging on, and any moment if i let go, it's the end of everything.